Okay, we get it. Austin's a great city for single people. Over the past 12 months, BBC, WalletHub and Conde Nast Traveler are just a few of the outlets who have named us a primo city for dating. The latest magazine to weigh in is Travel + Leisure, who named Austin the No. 4 best city for singles. But having read, well, all of the articles about Austin's single scene, we can't help but roll our eyes Liz Lemon-style at the reasoning.
Says Travel + Leisure: "Austin [has a] high density of both college students and bearded Peter Pan types."
We can't really argue with this. The University of Texas at Austin does mean a never-ending supply of college kids who just get younger every year. And we could argue about that Peter Pan beard thing, but we constantly refer to Austin as "Texas' Never Never Land" and have a wildly successful group called the "Austin Facial Hair Club," so our point would be moot.
Says Travel + Leisure: "The can’t-miss spots for meeting singles include dive bars and food trucks."
With their dark lighting, brooding bartenders and stale, not-quite-placeable smells, dive bars do make it a little easier (read: cheaper) to get that liquid courage flowing, but really any bar will do. (For the record, T+L, Wonderland, while lovely, is not a dive bar. We've covered this before.) But anyone anywhere can meet at a bar. If it wasn't easy to meet at a bar, then why would so many couples start their meet-cute story with, "Well, we met at a bar."
So, let's think outside the box (or in this case, the bar). Why not meet somewhere else, like the alley behind Rio Rita? (True story.) Or that weird carnival that parks itself on Ben White Boulevard every year? (Not a true story, but desperately wish it were.) Or during an oil change? (Almost a true story. A Jiffy Lube mechanic recently drew a smiley emoticon next to my mileage on the windshield sticker. It was incredibly flattering until a friend let it slip that this is a fairly standard practice.)
Says Travel + Leisure: "If you need an excuse to let down your emotional walls, consider that Austin also ranked well for feeling safe."
What is this nonsense?
Says Travel + Leisure: "To mingle with fellow foodies, check out The Picnic, a trailer park on Barton Springs Road, which is home to Turf N Surf Po’ Boy and Hey Cupcake!"
Who are all these people meeting at food trucks? T+L seems pretty sold on this idea. Just picture the editors, all sitting around some expansive office in the Conde Nast building in Manhattan as they ponder this story with worried brows. They sit quietly tapping their pencils when someone asks, "Where do you think Austinites meet?" to which someone replies, "Oh, I just love Austin." Everyone solemnly nods their heads in agreement. "Well, whenever I'm there for South By," whispers an intern, "I only eat out of food trucks." And then the editor says, "Oh, that's good. Write that down."
The truth is, we have no idea how these lists are chosen. Sure it's warm most of the year, and we all have beards, but just the fact that Houston was ranked No. 2 on this list shows T+L has no idea what it's talking about. (Kidding, kidding, Houston is ... Houston.) Until we get some scientific evidence proving that we are indeed the No. 4 city for singles, we'll just enjoy our dive bars and food trucks, beards and babes.