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Everything I need to know, I learned from 30 Rock

Everything I need to know, I learned from 30 Rock

Austin Photo Set: News_mikela_30 rock_jan 2013_cast
Courtesy of NBC.com

Good God, Lemon, it’s over. Wrap yourselves in a slanket and slice up some night cheese, 30 Rock fans, because NBC’s cult favorite wraps its seven-season run Thursday night, taking with it my hopes, dreams and a whole lot of "blergh."

Premiering in 2006, this show about a show took quirk to a new level. It plucked Alec Baldwin from his movie star status and cemented him into comedy TV greatness. It pulled Tina Fey out from behind the "Weekend Update" desk and into the show-creator’s chair. It provided for a slew of secondary characters that have emerged as some of the most quotable in TV history. It introduced us to the best mentor/mentee dichotomy that ever was: that of Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy. And last but not least, it pretty much provided us with the roadmap by which to live our lives. I promise.

Liz Lemon is one of the first television characters I’ve truly identified with. Sure, I don’t run a writer’s room, nor do I possess the desire to constantly wear socks with sandals. But I say the wrong thing, talk without thinking, I and definitely have a fondness for low-budget snack food. She’s at the top, and she’s not quite able to handle it (“SOMEBODY BRING ME SOME HAAAAAAM!”), but she’s sure as hell going to do her best to go about it. Even if it’s the most awkward journey you’ve ever witnessed.

And while Lemon’s attempts at normalcy are one of the show’s central gems, I posit that there’s a 30 Rock answer to everything — from ill-advised haircuts and wealth  to paint colors. So let’s go through and pick the best tidbits of Liz et al., and maybe we’ll all have life figured out by the end of it. Or at least we’ll know to avoid the Sabors de Soledad. 

When in doubt, consider sandwiches.

“All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.” 

Age ain’t nothing but a number, especially if you’re well-to-do.

“50 is the new 40 for men. 50 is still 60 for women.” – Jack, to Liz.

“Rich 50 is middle class 38, Lemon.” – Jack. Never were truer words spoken. 

Questionable food choices are the best food choices.

“You take a hot dog, stuff it with some Jack cheese, and fold it in a pizza. You’ve got cheesy blasters!”

Seriously, though... that Carp Po' Boy with Extra Chuckle from Fatty Fat’s Sandwich Ranch wasn’t her finest moment. 

Sentence structure is irrelevant.

Because “I want to go to there” is pretty much the reasoning behind any human desire, and “What the what?!” communicates every aspect of confusion. 

Getting out of jury duty is easy as pie.

Just pretend to be a hologram. 

Dealbreakers are a real thing.

“Yeah, there's no such thing as bisexual. That's just something they invented in the '90s to sell hair products. Deal breaker!” – Liz 

There’s nothing wrong about being alone. Maybe.

“I was going to take this class called Cooking for One, but the teacher killed himself.” – Liz 

The harsh reality of one-too-many eye rolls is one we all must consider.

“I want to roll my eyes right now but the doctor said if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.” – Liz 

Who needs bipartisanship, anyway?

“I don’t vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord’s name!” – Kenneth 

Live every week like it’s Shark Week.

Enough said. 

No role is too small.

Remember The Rural Juror? Jenna does. 

Birthday gifts are a no-brainer.

Don Cheadle on a bed of rice.

There you have it, dummy. Life’s commandments, as brought to us by the cast and crew at TGS. I’m going to miss this show more than I care to admit, but I’ll always have Meat Cat. Lemon out. Forever.