What's the best show on television: Mad Men? Breaking Bad? Homeland? Nope, it's Pretty Little Liars.
PLL is ostensibly about four teenage girls and the mystery surrounding the death of their Queen Bee friend, Allison, but in reality it's about fashion that borders on the ridiculous, a rotating crop of generically hot boyfriends (and girlfriends), and more secrets than could fit in Gretchen Weiners' hair.
In other words, it's as sweet and addictive as rock candy. It's also best appreciated among friends, while yelling at the screen.
With the first-ever Pretty Little Liars Halloween special airing Tuesday night, don't worry about learning the characters' back stories — OK, there's Hanna (the popular one), Spencer (the smart one), Emily (the sporty one) and Aria (the one who sleeps with her English teacher) — just play along with this game with a drink in hand.
1. Before the show begins, pick which character will appear during the episode in a stupid hat. Aria is always a good bet, but sometimes Spencer will surprise you.
2. Whenever a character says "don't tell anyone but . . ." or something similar, everyone whispers "secrets" at the television.
3. When Aria and her teacher/boyfriend have inappropriate interactions at school or in public (or whenever, really), yell "It's a felony!"
4. Aria's dad is played by Chad Lowe, brother of Rob Lowe. Whenever he says anything, you must restate it the way Rob Lowe would say it on Parks & Recreation. For example: "I like this coffee," becomes "This is literally the best coffee that anyone has ever tasted."
5. Whenever Hanna's friend Mona comes on the screen, say "Ugh, Mona!" because Mona is the worst.
6. Whenever an important secret is discussed in public, yell "cone of silence!"
7. Pretty Little Liars airs right before The 700 Club, so whenever Emily makes out with her girlfriend (particularly in the latter half of the show), say "Stay tuned for The 700 Club!" and imagine how horrified some super-Christian old lady would be if she accidently turned the television on early.
8. Hanna's mom is played by Laura Leighton, who often ends up sleeping with various authority figures to hide something bad that she or Hanna has done. Whenever Laura Leighton is mad at Hanna, finish her scolding for her with "and now I've gotta screw my way out of this one..."
The Pretty Little Liars Halloween special/season finale airs on ABC Family at 7 p.m. Tuesday.