Fun Fun Fun Fest is upon us, and with it marks the end of Austin's fall festival season. (Well, that's not true because we still have the East Austin Studio Tour, Forever Fest, WaffleFest, Cher at the Frank Erwin Center, another weekend of EAST, the Thundercloud Subs Turkey Trot — and that's just in the next three weeks.)
Instead, let's just say that Fun Fun Fun Fest is returning to Auditorium Shore on November 7-9. Follow this cheat sheet we've compiled to make sure you have the most fun fun fun you possibly can — taco tips and makeout spots included.
Friday, November 7
Before you head out, make sure you download the FFF app for iPhone and — for the first time this year — Android users. Having the app is critical for many reasons, but mostly because it comes equipped with the "taco locator." Not only will the app tell you where to find tacos at the fest, it also tells you how close you are to tacos anywhere in the city. (Though, we must admit, the map is not totally comprehensive and leaves off the great guardians of the Taco Cannon, Tamale House East.) The app is free.
11 am — Let's get this started
Work is terrible, so don't go on Friday. Or better yet, go, feign an illness about an hour after you arrive and then head to Auditorium Shores. We highly recommend walking, biking or taking public transit to get there. Bike parking is available near the entrance on the corner of Riverside Drive and South First Street. Popular CapMetro bus routes including 1, 3, 5, 7, 10, 20 and MetroRapid 801 and 803 have stops within walking distance. For a full map of bus routes around Auditorium Shores, please go here.
11:30 am — Locate the four most important things
Take stock of the situation. Identify beer stands, water areas, Taco Cannon location and makeout spots (there is literally an app for this). If you don't believe that these four things are critical to your festival success, then we should probably part ways here. Also, this is when open skate and BMX kicks off. Pro tip: When all else fails, head over the Volcom Ride & Skate area for hours of awe-inspiring entertainment.
1:10 pm — Peelander-Z at the Black Stage (Note: Blue and Black stages swap locations on Friday only.)
2 pm — Punk Rock Circus in the Wrestling Ring
2:50 pm — Eat something, drink water and get an official FFF Shiner at the Shiner Beer Garden.
3:20 pm — Neil Hamburger at the Yellow Stage
4 pm — John Waters at the Yellow Stage
If his many movies including Cry Baby, Pink Flamingo, Hairspray and Serial Mom aren't enough to convince you that you must see Waters live, perhaps this hilarious New York Times Magazine profile of the famed director will. (One plumb quote from Waters: "I find it repellent when people do yoga exercises at the gate in airports. I want to kill them.")
4:45 pm — Break!
At this point, take a breather. Hostess is a sponsor again, so go find Twinkie the Kid.
5:15 pm — Ginuwine at the Blue Stage
6:35 pm — Death From Above 1979 at the Black Stage
7:30 pm — Break!
Maybe you've met someone in the DFA 1979 pit that seems interesting or Ginuwine got you and your partner a little wound up. If so, take a makeout spot break. If not, get a beer refill. Also, eat something other than Twinkies (or better yet, in addition to Twinkies).
8:55 pm — 2 Chainz at the Blue Stage
10 pm — FFF Nites
Now that the first day is complete, head over to the Red River Cultural District for FFF Nites. "But I'm tired," you say. So what! This is a party, and no one has ever had the best night of their lives sitting on the couch watching Netflix. Your FFF wristband gets you free access, so go rage.
Saturday, November 8
If you have only one goal today, we suggest finding the Taco Cannon.
11:30 am — Vitamize and energize
You stayed up all night, right? That's great, but you'll need some provisions. Hunt down a pack of Luden's, a coffee, a Tamale House breakfast taco and a juice from JuiceLand.
12:20 am — Twin Peaks at the Black Stage
1 pm — Shop
Head to Flatstock and fawn over the beautiful posters. Then hit up the Austin Facial Hair Club table and peruse their merchandise.
2 pm — Glassjaw at the Black Stage
Relive the days of yore!
3:45 pm — Anarchy Championship Wrestling at the Wrestling Ring
Pro tip: Don't miss ACW. Not only is it really fun, it is held at 3:45 pm on all three days so you have plenty of opportunities to catch it.
4 pm — Fred Armisen at the Yellow Stage
Though we've seen Armisen interviewed during SXSW, we're intrigued to see the Portlandia star and former Saturday Night Live player perform.
5 pm — Break!
Have you eaten? If not, do that. If your FFF Nites hangover has subsided, then it's time to get a beer. Or perhaps you've powered through the pain and are already feeling pretty good. You should still eat something. You don't want to drink too much and end up at the makeout spot with Twinkie the Kid.
6:15 pm — Tinariwen at the Yellow Stage
If you missed this super buzzy band during SXSW, here's your chance to catch them again.
6:30 pm — Sick of it All at the Black Stage
7:10 pm — First Aid Kit at the Orange Stage or Nas at the Blue Stage
Seriously, we can't decide. This one's between you and your god.
In regard to headliners, we're at a loss, too. The nice thing about FFF is set times are relatively staggered and the bands tend to be different in style, so it's usually pretty easy to hit up all of them — or totally rule one out.
Sunday, November 9
If there is ever a time to eat barbecue, it's the Sunday morning of a festival weekend. Just go to town on something from The Salt Lick. Meat sweats be damned, you deserve this.
11:30 am — Open Skate at the Volcom Skate & Ride
Lug that barbecue over to the skate area, plop down and watch 'em ride.
12:45 pm — Foto Booth
Make memories that will last a lifetime — or for as long as Instagram's around.
1 pm — Local comedy on the Yellow Stage
Park it here for local comedy from Chris Cubas, Jake Flores and Doug Mellard.
2 pm — Thundercat at the Blue Stage
3:50 pm — Ryan Hemsworth at the Blue Stage
We've been itching to see Hemsworth in action ever since this moody, melodic video showed up on our Twitter feed a few months ago.
5 pm — Hot Water Music at the Black Stage
5:55 pm — Yo La Tengo at the Orange Stage
6:30 pm — Stuff as many free things as you can into your pocket.
Stuff like you'll never see a free pack of Luden's again.
8:30 pm — Headliners
Again, we're not sure where we'll be come nightfall. With Wiz Khalfia, Neutral Milk Hotel and Murder City Devils all headlining, it's the ultimate catch-22. Wherever we are, we know we'll be exhausted, stuffed with Hostess snacks and talking about how much fun fun fun we had.