Got Milk?

Goats aren't the only ones misbehaving when The Bachelor goes to Montana

Goats aren't the only ones misbehaving when The Bachelor goes to Montana

By the end of episode five, Sean’s eternal optimism has taken a hit. Going into the rose ceremony, he admits his disappointment and apprehension to host Chris Harrison. “Nights like tonight, I’m not sure my wife is in there,” Sean says.

That might be the sanest thing he’s said all season. Even though he’s convinced this “process” works, we have our doubts.

How did smiley Sean end up so sad? We’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count. But here’s a hint. It starts with the letter T. But more on that later.

 Tierrable is not on the group date, but she sneaks in to surprise Sean. And, really, to one-up Jackie, the other girl scheduled for the two-on-one date the next day.

Things started off well enough, during the one-on-one with Lindsay. In another moment of sanity, Sean admits that she almost got sent home the first night because he thought she was a little crazy. Yes, for wearing the wedding gown.

But nice guy Sean gave her the benefit of the doubt. And boy is glad he did! After a romantic day in the Montana outdoors, the couple heads to Whitefish town square for a concert with Sarah Darling. The couple dances and smooches on a platform in the middle of the crowd.

“I can see myself ending up with Lindsay,” Sean says later.

We should be keeping track of how many times he says that. Or perhaps it should be a drinking game.

Moving on to the group date, when the girls, in two teams of four, must compete in a relay race: canoeing, dragging around bales of hay, sawing through giant logs and milking goats. The winning team gets to spend the evening with Sean.

Oh, and to win, one girl from each team has to drink the goat milk.

After an embarrassing start in the canoes — “I really had doubts they would ever finish,” says Sean — both teams muddle through the challenges. Even though the goat kicked over the red team’s jar, it doesn’t slow them down. Desiree takes that jar of goat milk and drinks it like it was her job. Red team for the win!

But Sean feels bad for sending the blue team away, so, later, he invites them to the party anyway. He thinks it’s important to spend time with everyone! The red team does not like this decision.

However, they should be more upset about Tierrable. She is not on the group date, but she sneaks in to surprise Sean. And, really, to one-up Jackie, the other girl scheduled for the two-on-one date the next day.

Tierra wants Sean to know that being invited on a two-on-one is a “slap in the face.”

“I don’t want to be misled,” she says. “I am a real person. I have real feelings. And I’m very sensitive.”

During the two-on-one date, we all know poor Jackie doesn’t stand a chance. She tries to tell Sean that Tierra isn’t what she seems. Her example: Tierra thought a guy at the airport was cute.

That clearly doesn’t do the trick, because after a painfully awkward dinner with the three of them, Sean hands the rose to Tierra. So long, Jackie. If it’s any consolation, the other girls were rooting for you.

In the moments preceding the rose ceremony, Robyn from Houston, who clearly didn’t get the memo that going after Tierra does not work, is ready to rumble.

“I’m sick of this BS,” Robyn says. “I’m gonna do what I want to do. I want to squash things with Tierra. I’m sick of walking through the freaking house and feeling awkward every single day. I’m so sick of her. I will make this the Bad Girls Club.”

The only good that came out of that is some more choice quotes from Tierra.

  • “I wish I was a fighter. Because I would beat the s--t out of these bitches.”
  • “I seriously want to punch everyone in that room.”
  • “If I want to go get engaged, I can easily go get engaged. There are plenty of f---ing guys in the world.”
  • “I hope you guys are happy. Because I will bite. I am a Scorpio, and I do bite, and my stinger does come out when I get pissed.”

Sean catches wind of that last little bit. “I saw Tierra so angry,” he says. “That blows me away. I don’t if the girls are picking on her because she’s isolated herself … or maybe she does act differently when she’s not around me. I wasn’t happy, and I wanted to get to the bottom of it.”

Tierra gives him the sob story that the girls are attacking her for everything, and she doesn’t deserve it.

“It’s just frustrating for me because I am such a nice girl and no one gives me credit here,” she says.

And that’s good enough, apparently, because Tierra already got her rose, and Robyn is the only girl without one at the end of the rose ceremony.

“Be scared,” Selma whispers to the other girls as Sean walks Robyn out to the limo.

Oh, dear Selma, we are. Because there’s another two-hour episode of The Bachelor tonight.

Girls go on group date in Montana on the Bachelor
Sean and the girls head out for a group date. Coming up: relay races! Photo courtesy of ABC
Girls cut logs on the Bachelor
Blue team attempts to saw through a giant log. Photo courtesy of ABC
Girls go canoeing on the Bachelor
Neither team had much luck in the canoes. Photo courtesy of ABC
Girls carry bales of hay on the Bachelor
The red team was determined to win. Photo courtesy of ABC
Girls milk goats on the Bachelor
After they milked a goat, one of the girls had to drink the milk. Photo courtesy of ABC