After years of spreading her gospel of "drag terrorism," Austin's beloved homegrown pop star, Christeene Vale, is ready for her first album to drop and change Austin music forever.
Christeene has been shocking bear bars and FunnyOrDie.com for years, building her reputation as one of the best live shows the Live Music Capital of the World has to offer. With her two amazing back-up dancers providing the impressive choreography to her mindblowing lyrics, you'd be remiss to find any East Sider who doesn't know who this enchanting pop princess is.
On Saturday, Elysium is hosting Christeene’s album release party for her debut album, Waste Up Kneez Down. Her first album — paid for in part by her loyal fans via Kickstarter — is mostly a collection of the hits you already love. But she’s also got a few new tracks that promise to still shock you just as much as "Fix My Dick" once did.
Part GG Allin, part Britney Spears, Christeene’s music videos ride the line between music video and comical pornography. Like any true American pop star, she occupies that thin line between naïveté and unstoppable libido. The only difference is that the guy who does Christeene’s hair and makeup then gets into Christeene’s clothes and dances with her on stage as well.
That, and there are more butt plugs in Christeene’s live shows...
We caught up with the indelible rising star over email prior to her epic album release to talk about her innermost hopes and dreams and what she's got in store for Austin on Saturday night. (Her responses are printed word for word. You'll have to imagine her unique vocal inflections, though.)
CultureMap: Should we bring our own tarps to Elysium on Saturday, or will tarps be provided?
Christeene Vale: U GUNNA NEED SUM TOWELS CUZ U GUNNA BE SWEATIN UP IN DERR LIKE A NAY NAY IN A SHIT HOLE. IZ GUNNA BE A BIG NUT, A FULL STANK SHOWCASIN ALL OUR NEW SONGS DAT YALL AINT NEVER HEARD BEFORE LIKE 'BIG SHOT' AN 'TROPICAL ABORTION'. IZ GUNNA HURT HARD.
CM: What was your creative inspiration for Waste Up Kneez Down?
CV: I JUZ WANTED TA LET OUT ALL MY SHIT FROM DA LAST 3 YEARZ ROLLIN OUT WIT MY BOYZ AN WIT PJ RAVAL MAKIN DA VIDEEOOOS AN TRAVELIN ROUND PARTS UH DA WORLD ON A SHIT STORM UH GLORY AN PAIN.
CM: Do you feel any pressure with such a highly-anticipated debut album?
CV: ONLY PRESSURE I FEEL IS MY BOYZ T GRAVEL AN C BABY POUNDIN MY GUT IN WIT DER FISTS WHEN DA MOOD HITS RIYEEET.
CM: In regards to the guy yelling at the end of the African Mayonnaise video, if Heaven were real: 1) What would you want to hear Jesus say, and 2) What would you want to say to Jesus?
CV: JESUS WHO?
CM: What Makes Christeene cry?
CM: What’s your favorite sound in the world?
CM: Where do you get your backup dancers’ panties?
CV: I DONT GET THERR PANTIES...DEY GET DEM DEMSELVES AN JUST SURPRIZE ME WIT ALL DA FLAIR DAT DEY BRANG TO DA STANK HOT BOX.
CM: Where do you get your backup dancers?
CV: WE FOUND EACH OTHER ONE DAY AN IT WUZ MAGIK. THEY DA ONLY BOYZ I EVER WILL HAVE AN NOBODY ELSE EVER GUNNA TAKE DERR PLACE. PEEPS ALWAYS WANNA GIT A PIECE OF DEM AN SUMTIMES DEY GIVE IT UP REEEEEL GOOOOOOOD TO IT HAAAAAAY!!
CM: Thank you, Christeene. And God bless you.
Christeene's ablum release party — not for the faint of heart — takes place at Elysium on Saturday, May 26 at 10:30 p.m. Bring money for a copy of the album, and get ready to dance all night long.