And now in news that will make you want to stab your eyes out: Forbes released their list of the top female moneymakers in the movie industry these days. And the number one earner last year was (sad, pathetic drumroll) Kristen "Dead Eyes" Stewart.
Yep, the Twilight and Snow White and the Huntsman star raked in $34.5 million, edging out heavyweight bug-eyed blonde Cameron Diaz by a cool half million. Rounding out the top five are Oscar winners Sandy Bullock ($25 million), Angelina Jolie ($20 million) and Stewart's Snow White co-star Charlize Theron ($18 million).
I know these aren't real people we're talking about, and how much they make is a funny unrealistic number that would feed every child in America for the next year, so why even bother with these ruminations, but, like, SERIOUSLY? Kristen Stewart? The best part of Snow White was when she was never talking, and the best part about Twilight was none of it. But whatever.
Clearly, tweens with their parents' disposable incomes are whom Hollywood is aiming for, which explains how Meryl Streep is making only a head-scratching $12 million. But with all this power in the hands of Stephanie Meyer's minions, how are female actors still only making about 55 percent of what the top male actors in Hollywood are making? (Johnny Depp is estimated to have made about $120 million last year.)
So I give Kristen Stewart a hearty couple of golf claps for her proud accomplishment of making more than her equally-as-untalented Twilight co-star Taylor Lautner made last year. She's getting up there with the big boys and making America remember that it no longer takes any talent to be ranked #1 these days. It really takes luck, a damn good publicist, and enough of a blank slate to allow moviegoers to put themselves in your shoes.
The one beautiful, shining note in this grim rankings of Hollywood's power ladies is the #8 spot, which went to Kristen Wiig. Right, I know. With her paycheck from her last season of SNL and her success with Bridesmaids, she was measured at $12 million (along with Ms. Streep). We can only hope that the smart, beautiful, talented Ms. Wiig will continue her meteoric rise to the top in the coming years.
Because, SERIOUSLY. Kristen Stewart? This has just got to stop.