words that work
Sex and the Capital City: Why Clueless’s Cher Horowitz got it right about men
When I think of dating, I can’t help but harken back to the immortal words of a one Cher Horowitz:
I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair — ew — and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so.
Sing it, sister.
Sure, gone are the backwards hats and baggy pants (replaced, of course, with skinny jeans and skull caps), but the enthusiasm still rings true. I’m not hating on the clothing choices of my male counterparts by any means — that’s a subject for a different time. Nope, nearly two decades later, here I am echoing Cher’s disgust; this time directed towards the e-laziness that I’m noticing among my generation.
At this point, it’s likely that I’m coming off as judgmental. While I can’t deny the accuracy, I’m no overbearing shrew. I’ve put up with my fair share of pitfalls in the relationship game. Heck, I once did a guy’s homework for months, and he didn’t even go to school. This happened. Yet upon discovering this fact, I didn’t bolt. So you can see now that I have at least some experience when it comes to looking the other way. So is it too much to hope for a little effort when it comes to being approached online? Here are some misses (and hits!) that I’ve noticed from my online dalliances thus far.
Admittedly, as a writer, I’m a bit of a stickler when it comes to this one. I don’t expect every email I get to be a winner, but with 4 replacing 'for'; 2 replacing 'to'; and 'you' now missing two of its three letters, I’m lost. Nothing makes you sound less attractive than a profile that reads like a trying-to-be-hip text from my mom. Words that end in 'g' should keep said 'g.' If “you’re interests include hangin’ out and goin’ 2 ur house,” it wasn’t meant to be. Sorry.
Spam, not just a pork substitute
Remember what mom used to say? “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?” Well it’s still appropriate off the playground. If you can’t think of something substantial, skip it, ok? “HEY GIRL” is not an appropriate way to introduce yourself. In reality, not even Ryan Gosling could pull that off.
A two-word solicitation isn’t likely to get a lengthy response. But you know what is? Real questions. Do we share a favorite musical artist? Ask my favorite song! Are you a fellow fan of the cinema? Ask my top films! These little attempts to learn more about the other person distinguish the cream of the online crop.
Of course, I’m not entirely without fault for the lack of dates filling my social calendar. Sure, my standards may be a bit too high, but I’m learning here. I might have to overlook these missteps in order to make things work.
Maybe its time 2 get real.