10 predictions for Austin in 2013: Gosling sightings, subway systems and morePaul Qui
From F1 to Lance Armstrong, 2012 was an enthralling year for Austin and its inhabitants. With the city growing by leaps and bounds, chances are 2013 will be just as action-packed with new developments, soap opera tales and calls for change.
To kick off the new year, here are 10 predictions for Austin in 2013.
1. Capitalizing on the public interest of the proposed Austin gondola transportation system, F1 creates a zip-line from the top of the Austonian straight to the Circuit of the Americas track. The zip-line becomes so popular that a sports event centered around it ends up garnering more attraction and money for Austin-based businesses than the F1 race.
2. Wanting to outdo C3's new plan to have ACL take place over two weekends, Transmission Events vows to make Fun Fun Fun Fest every weekend for the entire year.
Paul Qui joins the Austin barbecue legacy by opening a smokehouse called "Smo-qui Paul's."
3. Surprisingly, the population will rise from 824,205 in 2012 to 4,078,456 in 2013 when news spreads that Ryan Gosling fell in love with Austin during his stint filming Terrence Malick's new film and is leaving Hollywood behind to become a musician/barbecue pit apprentice in East Austin. Not surprisingly is that Travis County also sees a 200 percent increase in the female ages 18-25 demographic.
4. Proud of its Guinness World Record of being the fastest developer of condos in North America, and not wanting to lose its frequent status of "No. 1 City in the U.S." for living/retiring/dating/starting a business etc., the city council decides to abandon the "Keep Austin Weird" motto (much to the public's chagrin) and change it to "Keep Austin Sprawling."
5. With the influx of street construction in 2013, a sinkhole forms on Sixth Street and reveals an underground subway system unknown to the general public. The intricate subway actually has stops to not only the south and west sides of the city, but to UT campus as well, and a call by the citizens to continue service is made. The city's current MetroRail is abandoned by users, the railway goes back to strictly operating for freight trains, the stations become ruin porn/skate parks and the city erases the MetroRail from the history books.
No longer the favorite son of Austin, the Lance Armstrong Bikeway is renamed the Matthew McConaughey Pathway.
6. Coming off the success of winning Top Chef: Texas, and opening numerous new restaurants, Paul Qui joins the Austin barbecue legacy by opening a smokehouse called "Smo-qui Paul's" where patrons can dine on brisket tartare with coleslaw jam and pulled pork sushi topped with potato salad aioli and pinto bean custard.
7. With food trailers becoming a trend of yesteryear, food entrepreneurs begin serving food out of the trunks of their cars, not only to save on overhead, but because every square inch of open space has been rented out or built upon in central Austin. The city will eventually crack down, claiming that a stove top next to a pair of gym sneakers and several empty beer cans does not pass health code inspections.
8. When Trader Joe's opens in the Seaholm District, local hospitals reach capacity as citizens begin falling victim to Shaw Syndrome, a diseases know as the act of becoming dehydrated due to the loss of saliva caused by the inability to close one's mouth due to the shock of the inexpensive nature of Charles Shaw, a.k.a. Two Buck Chuck, wine.
9. No longer the favorite son of Austin, the Lance Armstrong Bikeway is renamed the Matthew McConaughey Pathway after the city's second most favorite son. In addition to bike paths, the trail will incorporate a nude "beach" on Town Lake where pot smoking and bongo playing are both legal and encouraged.
10. UT wins the National Championship. In related news, Austin experiences a freeze in August.