One dumb summer: Fox laughs directly in your face with its new show The Choice
Well, TV just got dumber, y'all. And I, for one, can't wait to watch every minute of it unfold.
In an utterly brilliant power play on the part of Fox TV executives, they have created an hour-long television show with absolutely no premise that blatantly steals concepts from another show on NBC that is already a rip-off of another show that came from England and still airs on Fox. It's like the Xerox of a copy of a re-make of an original with bad teeth.
This is the new lineage of a Hollywood TV show.
To break it all down for you: Fox's show, The Choice, is a new "dating" game starring minor celebrities who sit in spinning chairs just like on NBC's The Voice (with which it's name even rhymes) but there's no singing or talent involved.
Instead, hot, "normal" women are brought out on stage to describe their physical virtues and low moral standards to four horny single celebrities like DJ Pauly D, Tyson Beckford, Dean Cain and Joe Jonas who are busy making cartoon awooga! eyes when the women hint at their hidden tattoos.
When the men just can't take the descriptions any longer without exploding with exaggerated sexual frustration, they can hit their buzzers and turn their little Dr. Evil chairs around to meet their star-crossed mystery date for the most perfectly romantic two minutes of their life. Then it's time for another commercial break.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh, true love. Sigh.
To blind you to the fact that this "dating" show has no premise beyond "celebrities in egg chairs listen to girls flirt with thin air," Fox somehow found enough money to pay the loveable and clearly business-minded Cat Deeley to host The Choice in addition to her usual hosting gig on talent-driven So You Think You Can Dance?, also on Fox.
Frankly, she's the malapropos island of classiness amidst a sea of embarassing ratings-conscious drivel.
I would like to believe then that Fox is making this new show entirely to get back at NBC for revamping their top cash cow and luring Idol viewers away this season. After oversaturating the market with copycat singing competitions, maybe it's time TV got back to doing what it does best: helping desperate singles have sex.
Dammit, it's working!
To sweeten the deal, the hour-long show is preceded by the George Lopez-hosted Take Me Out, which is also, amazingly, an hour long. This show simply asks women to rate whether they think a male contestant is hot or not. That's it.
A guy stands in progressively less clothing and 30 women place their votes by turning their light-up podiums on or off. And faux-hawked George Lopez grins a lot and says a number of rhyming catch phrases. And then everyone's embarrassed for everyone. And then another commercial break.
We're clearly way less interested in this "show," but it is the perfect companion piece to numb you before the true intelligence removal operation that comes right after.
Luckily, nobody has to think during the summer, so what better way to show your love for America than watching two hours of commercials on Fox? God bless you all.