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Sex and the Capital City: The ABCs of hooking up at SXSW

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Austin Photo Set: jon_hearbreakers banquet_march 2013_2
Photo by Jon Shapley

SXSW is an interesting time in the lives of single Austinites. Half of the time, we’re lamenting the influx of hipsters flooding our town with their skinny jeans and mussed hair. The other half of the time? We’re swooning over their skinny jeans and mussed hair.

But what SXSW’s nine-day presence really boils down to is this — a whole mess of really attractive people convene in Austin, ready for tacos, music and all the free beer they can drink. Oh, and probably some casual sex. Did I forget to mention that part?

There’s a lot of prowling that can be done, and I’m here to help. Sort of. What should you consider when looking for a SXSW hookup? There are a few factors at play, here, and I’ll lay them down, so you can navigate the SXsexual landscape free of doubt.

Think of the six degrees. Will you see this person again? Did they go to college with your roommate? Do they work for a company you’re likely to work with in the future? Keep your pants on, folks. There’s nothing more awkward than bumping into a former SXSW fling at a client meeting 10 states away. Not that I know what that’s like…

Stick to early in the week. You never know how much shower time is being allotted.

Text a friend. Going to someone’s Airbnb rental without alerting a friend of your rendezvous? That’s some SVU fodder right there. And you wouldn’t want to disappoint Olivia Benson, now would you?

Go with someone with hair shorter than your own.

On the plus side, if you find a longhaired friend, you can share hair ties. Those suckers are hard to come by when you’re sweating to indie jams for hours on end.

Stick with a hotel-dweller. Think of all the toilet paper you can stash for those port-o-potty runs!

If he says he manages a band, he doesn’t. He manages the Facebook account for a band that his friend is in.

If he speaks with an accent, ask him trivia about the country from which he claims to hail. You don't want to make out with Stephan from Prague, only to have him turn out to be Steve from Pittsburgh.

There you have it. We've almost closed the book on another year at SXSW, and we're more than a little worse for the wear. But at least with these tips, you can possibly add another notch to your bedpost, without sacrificing your dignity. Or at least some of it.

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