Relationship Talk

Sex and the Capital City: Silencing the noise and settling in

Sex and the Capital City: Silencing the noise and settling in

Couple holding handings moving in together relationship
Sometimes you have to silence the noise from outsiders. Photo courtesy of Sheknows.com

This week marks a big step in my relationship: the six-month milestone. It seems like only yesterday I was writing an installment of this column chronicling my year of missteps in the dating world, and here I am packing boxes and picking out bed frames. I have forgone some of my Lemon-esque tendencies for double dates and dinners at home. My, how the times have changed.

The past six months have been nothing short of a whirlwind. My family suffered a loss, I’ve taken on more responsibility at work, and — oh yeah — we’re moving in together.

That last tidbit caused quite a stir when I dropped it a few weeks ago. Obviously I’ve been more than public about my relationship (perhaps too public at times). But as a writer, it’s cathartic to put your emotions down in words. So when you write something that people may not agree with, you’d better be ready to face the music.

Many months back, I wrote a column discussing the “how soon is too soon” notion, having no idea it would soon apply to my own situation. But in that column, I posed that we all step back a little bit and let a couple grow at their own pace, free of our judgment. It seems that most decided not to heed my advice. Because as soon as I announced our cohabitation, from all sides I began hearing cries of “That was fast!”

That’s not to say that everyone was quick to jump on the Judgment Express (of which I am a frequent conductor). I had many words of support from friends and colleagues alike. But for every well-wisher, there were several whispers of it being too soon and, “Wait until you move in together, that’s when you’ll fight.”

I’m not naïve. I know that cohabitation brings with it a unique set of struggles. I’m anticipating there will be moments where we’ll both be looking for a private space, a place to have “me” time, as opposed to focusing on “us.” And I understand that to some  — or many — six months seems like a pretty accelerated timeline at which to approach this big step.

Plenty of those weighing in on my decision had horror stories of living together too soon. Admittedly, and unsurprisingly, some of this noise got to me. Do they not have faith in our relationship? Are they assuming things won’t work out? Anxiety sank in, and I couldn’t understand why.

But then I realized something: I don’t care.

Our relationship is our relationship, and only ours. If we let the opinions of others affect us, it will only create a negative effect on our forward movement. So, I’m tuning out the static and settling in with my S.O., because we’ve settled our furniture score and we’re ready to face the future.