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Snowy End of Days?

The Austinite's quintessential guide to surviving 'Snowpocalypse' 2014

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Austin Photo Set: News_Snow in August_August 2011_Jessica Pages
Austin might get up to .25 inch of snow. Photo by Jessica Pages
John Stamos Law and Order: SVU
John Stamos on Law & Order: SVU will get you through these doldrums of winter. Photo by Virginia Sherwood/ NBCUniversal, Inc
Eagle Rare Manhattan cocktail
Make sure to stock up on resources. Photo by Kenny Braun
Austin Photo Set: News_Snow in August_August 2011_Jessica Pages
John Stamos Law and Order: SVU
Eagle Rare Manhattan cocktail

Holy mother of god, it's supposed to snow today. Remember yesterday, when it was 70 degrees and we were all walking around without a care in the world? Well, kiss those days goodbye (until Saturday), because it's supposed to snow up to .25 inch in some places — and it's supposed to get really, really cold.

In case you've forgotten what to do in the face of such epic natural disaster, CultureMap offers these survival tips:

Cancel all of your plans.

If you have meetings on the books, cancel them. Meeting your co-workers for happy hour? You're certainly not now. If you live in Austin, and there's the potential for snow (or let's be honest, when there's a potential for rain), all plans are automatically canceled. Crank up the heat and put on your best pair of nonbinding pants, because you're not going anywhere.

Head to HEB.

Canceling plans is the best. As the comedian John Mulaney says, "In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin." But now that you're not doing anything, you're going to have to spend your night in. First, you will need provisions — things like milk, bread … actually, never mind.

Pull into the HEB parking lot, think about going in, decide not to, pull out and drive to the liquor store.

You can always order a pizza. Just because you're not driving doesn't mean the delivery guy from Conan's can't get on the road. Plus, when it's this cold and you have no plans, it's best to warm up with nature's fireplace: bourbon. Since you will most likely be holed up for 18, possibly 20, hours, plan accordingly.

Fire up the Netflix.

Now that you have provisions, it's time to get to the evening's most important activity: deciding what you're going to watch on Netflix. If you're not sure, read through the queue of artsy foreign films and social documentaries you marked weeks ago. Unfortunately, no one ever seems to actually be in the mood to watch any of these selections. Decide on the episode of Law & Order: SVU with John Stamos. Halfway through, realize you've seen this one before and you're pretty sure Stamos did it, but you'll be damned if you can remember the plot twist. Dick Wolf does it again.

Flip through Instagram.

Scroll through your feed and envy your friends living in Los Angeles, with their light jackets and carefree attitudes. Make sure not to "heart" their photos out of spite. (They won't know, but you will.) You were like them once, enjoying balmy 70-degree January days and laughing at your friends on the East Coast, all of whom were buried under snow earlier this week.

Decide to take advantage of this night in and get a little reading done.

One of the best — and worst — things about Austin is that there is always something to do. Factor in a full-time job, family, some semblance of a social life, and by the time you crawl into bed, you're usually too tired to make it past the first chapter of The Goldfinch. Now that you have a whole evening free due to the possible snow dusting outside, it's time to power through those back issues of The New Yorker. Give it up when you see that the next episode of Law & Order: SVU has Fred Savage.

Stop reading to spend an inordinate amount of time contemplating whether or not you should drip your faucets.

This is a real Texas-centric problem. While dripping the faucets seems like an easy way to prevent costly repairs if the pipes burst, anyone who listens to KUT knows they're always reminding us that we're still in a stage two drought restriction. Finally decide to drip the faucet, but with the caveat that you'll only take really, really short showers for the rest of the week.

Suddenly realize why this snow day is so great.

The best part of this freezing, sleeting, snowing, windy weather? It will be 70 degrees again on Saturday.

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