Ellie Scarborough and Amy Lynch are two bodacious bombshells locked & loaded with intelligent answers to all your questions about dating, love, sex, breakups and all things in between. Ellie launched a community in 2010 to help girls get through heartbreak, giving them tips, tools and inspiration to keep them moving forward without looking back. Now, she and professional partner-in-crime(s of the heart) Amy are lending their expertise to CultureMap, solving the problems of the 512's lovelorn one no-BS answer at a time.

Q:

I dated a musician for over a year. He asked me to move in, marry him, have his babies, the works... I fell for it. The moment things got rough -- i.e., I needed a pretty serious surgery -- he broke it off. On my birthday. While we were on vacation.

It's been eight months and I'm still really angry, but I feel like I'm doing my best. I just found out his new album is basically about the breakup and there's one particular song called "Bitter" that I should "be prepared for." What am I supposed to do? He's airing my dirty laundry for the whole world to see. I feel used for inspiration for a pathetic musical career.

A:

First of all, we're sorry your ex broke up with you under such awful circumstances. Breakups are never easy, but wow -- it sounds like yours will definitely rework itself into quite the dinner party story at some point in the future. Regardless of what happened over the course of your relationship or how & why it ended, though, what's done is done. You cannot let the past torture you anymore. It may be easier said than done, but don't you dare backtrack over all the progress you've made and send yourself back to square one.

It sounds as if you moved in with him with the intention of getting married and having children, but those things never materialized. If that's the case, and if you haven't already established a no-contact rule with him and cut him out of your life completely, that's absolutely the first step you have to take if you ever want to heal. If you've already done so, that's awesome. If you haven't, then now's the time. Seriously -- it's critical that you move on without him constantly being there in the shadows, preventing you from shaking it off and letting yourself be happy again.

As for his music... well, let him play it. There's no need for you to listen. You don't need it stuck in your head. Sure, you're naturally going to be curious, but don't let him rewrite history by letting his lyrics about an old chapter of your life creep into your new reality without him. The wisest thing you can do is keep your focus forward and throw yourself into positive pursuits that make you stronger, calmer and more satisfied with your life every single day. Don't even acknowledge what he's up to, or what kind of spin he might be trying to put on things. This is your time to rise above the ashes and be the bigger person who moves on to better things. Don't you dare let him -- or his music -- or anyone or anything, for that matter -- drag you down. One of our favorite quotes is from Eleanor Roosevelt, and it applies here: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." So don't give your confidence away like that. It's yours... not someone else's to steal for a song.

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