Bye Bye Love
The best breakup spots in Austin: 7 places to consciously uncouple
Sep 12, 2014 | 9:56 am
Look, we've all sung "Summer Nights" at karaoke — we know how the story goes. Boy meets girl, boy and girl spend all summer together, awkwardness ensues come fall. And while it worked out for Danny and Sandy in the end (much credit goes to her liquid leggings), chances are the flame on your summer fling is soon-to-be-snuffed.
But which Austin locales should serve as the scene for instigating singledom? Fret not, conscious uncouplers, we've got you covered. Here are some of the best (and most Austin-y) places to break up.
If you can hold out until October, this is a can't-miss. Sure, you probably bought the tickets together, and yes, it may make things a little awkward under your marijuana leaf-adorned flag, but there's a bevy of benefits here that can't be ignored. First, think of all the other fish in the sea! Your recent ex is sure to lick their wounds, but they won't be alone for long. Thousands of Austin's finest flock to this annual event, so the odds of staying single are slim. And then there's the alcohol! Drown your sorrows in $9 tallboys and all will be well. If that's not enough, take solace in the fact that at this point, there's a good chance you'll run into Ryan Gosling.
It's hard to think of an attractive Austinite epicenter more concentrated than the healthy grocer's flagship Lamar store. Do the unfortunate deed at one of the store's several more intimate offerings — think the trattoria or Bar Lamar. Pick up a (vegan) frozen pizza for after.
Because if you have to get dumped, at least you can bask in the Christmas spirit, right?
Romeo Rose's Birthday Party
Now infamous for his laundry list of musts, puffy shirt-loving Romeo Rose is ringing in his birthday on September 18 with a shindig at downtown locale Lanai. His promotional video (seen here) boasts free drugs, celebrity guests (Guns and Roses!) and more. What's not to like? Show up with your significant other and leave alone, creepier than ever. Ladies, remember that clothing is optional, and so is your dignity.
East Side Show Room
It's hard to make a scene at this swanky east side locale, so if things don't go your way after a few craft cocktails, all will be well. The National will be soundtracking your every word, and the dim lighting means no one will see the tears of the one you've jilted.
The Side Bar
This is a tricky one. You have to time this just right, because with "Side Bar pours" flowing freely, one drink too many and your soon-to-be-ex won't remember what happened. But if you do things one drink in, it might actually work out! Then you can console your former flame with some cheap drinks — and you may even reconcile before the night is through.
Fun Fun Fun Fest
Technically this keeps your flame burning past the summer months, but Austin's grungier fest is another option to sever ties. Think of this as more of a tough-love scenario. Between the metal from the Black Stage and the hip-hop from the Blue Stage, the breakup practically writes itself. And when it's all over, you can laugh it off with the cast of Silicon Valley. It's a win-win!
No go forth and prosper, and remember, there's always next summer.