Dumb Frenzy

Real Texas secession truths — including Rick Perry's true role in the craziness

Real Texas secession truths — including Rick Perry's true role in the craziness

Girl giving the finger with Fuck Y'all I'm From Texas t-shirt
I'm 100 percent sure she signed the petition. And she lives in Texas. And has an awful Chinese tat. Tshirtwatch.com
Texas flag, secession, U.S. flag
Oh, and secession isn’t going to happen. Ever. Never ever ever. CC Rogers/Flickr Creative Commons
Stem cell summit, Rick Perry, October 2012
Even secession-loving governor Rick Perry backed off on this one. Photo by Tyler Rudick
Girl giving the finger with Fuck Y'all I'm From Texas t-shirt
Texas flag, secession, U.S. flag
Stem cell summit, Rick Perry, October 2012

I get it. It’s a cute story. About 60,000 idiots out of a state with 25 million people sign a petition asking President Barack Obama to allow Texas to secede. Newsrooms across Texas monitoring Twitter (because, you know, that’s what passes for news judgment now) collectively break out in a Gangnam Style flashmob. “Pageviews! We’re gonna get pageviews! And we don’t even have to feel conflicted about it because it’s real news!”

Then the governor comments to make it official: This is Big News. Journalism, back on solid ground.

Sure. Whatever. I mean, we have no way of knowing how many of these 60,000 who “signed” the petition are actually from Texas. Even if every single person is really from our state, that represents barely one percent of the Houston metropolitan area. Oh, and secession isn’t going to happen. Ever. Never ever ever.

Don’t trust me. Trust fivethirtyeight.com blogger and noted looper Nate Silver, who said so three years ago in D magazine:

Texas has no more and no less right to secede than any of the other 49 states. The federal government profits from Texas — collecting more in tax revenues than it gives back in services — and it would never be allowed to secede.

The really interesting proposition, Silver wrote (in great detail), would be for Texas to divide into five states, not to secede from the union. I differ in one respect: I would not have called the new North Texas state Trinity, but The Considerant, after the Frenchman who established the La Reunion socialist commune in what is now West Dallas. But that’s just me. I also like .38 Special. (1.7 million views! Let’s start our own country!)

Silver was joking, but it at least it was funny — unlike the BS petition we've all read about.