Horns Have Stoops to Conquer

Better late than Sooner, Longhorns trounce OU at Cotton Bowl

Better late than Sooner, UT trounces OU at Cotton Bowl

So this is how it felt to be an OU fan on the second Saturday of October for the past two years, and most of the past 15?

Two-touchdown underdog Texas more than doubled Oklahoma in yards gained and tacked on bonus touchdowns on a Daje Johnson punt return and a Chris Whaley pick to trounce Stoops’ Troops 36-20 in the Cotton Bowl on Saturday.

This was the first time this group of Texas seniors, including Case McCoy, who has looked bewildered in previous Red River matchups, beat their rivals from the Dust Bowl State. The golden cowboy hat, which looks like something you’d find at a Sly Stone garage sale, was gaudiness to celebrate wearing after the game.

They’re now undefeated in Big 12 play at 3-0, but the real Texas football team showed up for the first time this year. 

They’re now undefeated in Big 12 play at 3-0, but the real Texas football team showed up for the first time this year, shutting down the high-flying Sooners like it was an air traffic controllers’ strike at DFW. No OU back gained more than 35 yards, and Blake Bell played like the Belldoze-off, with only 132 yards in the air and two interceptions.

The brother of crackhead Liberty rushed for minus-27 yards and, after several sacks, knows what Jackson Jeffcoat had for lunch. Like a lumbering Pink, DT Whaley got the party started in the first quarter when he dropped back into coverage to snag a bad pass and took it back for a 10-3 Texas lead.  

Much-maligned QB McCoy was so good — except for a late “Oh, Case” lapse — that announcer Todd Blackledge called him "Colt." Finishing 13-21 for 190 yards, McCoy threw perfect bombs to Marcus Johnson in the first quarter for a 59-yard TD and found Mike Davis at the end of the third quarter for a 38-yard strike that made it 36-13. The soundbleed from the Barton Springs Beer Hall at ACL to the Austin Ventures stage must've been worse than Atoms For Peace when McCoy hit Magic Mike.

But the play of the game was Johnson’s 85-yard punt return in the third quarter. The Pflugerville waterbug made full use of his 4.3 speed in the 40 to go twice that long, untouched. Oklahoma had started the second half in full ram mode and marched down the field, looking sure to eventually fall into the end zone to make it 23-17 with momentum on their side.

But the Horns defense, heroic all day, came up with a big stop and yielded 3 instead of 7. Three and a half minutes later, Daje was doing the touchdown dance, and the rout was on.

Third down is the manhood down, and the way RBs Johnathan Gray and Malcolm Brown (who each gained over 120 yards) were able to move the chains like guys with a card table on Canal Street who don’t exactly have receipts for those gold necklaces told the story of the game. When it was third and one, McCoy hit Jaxon Shipley over the middle, even though everyone knew that’s where the ball was going.

Manhood! Texas converted; Oklahoma didn’t. The big men up the middle won the line of scrimmage.

This was the biggest win for Texas since they beat A&M in the final conference matchup in 2011. Case McCoy also won that game. You can stop calling him Fredo and posting that photoshopped prom pic of him with a mullet. Case became a Texas hero today.

Although this was a total ass-kicking, it’s not going to save Mack Brown’s job any more than an appearance in Machete Kills will resurrect Mel Gibson’s acting career. But beating Oklahoma will let Coach Brown retire with dignity.

Until next year, when they put him on TV next to some idiot like Mark May.

Golden Hat Texas OU game
Texas dons the golden hat this year. Photo courtesy of UT Athletics
Case McCoy UT OU game
Case McCoy stepped up big to lead the Horns to victory. Photo courtesy of UT Athletics
Texas Longhorn Chris Waley at TX-OU game
Chris Whaley made a huge interception and took it into the end zone. Photo courtesy of UT Athletics