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Get your goat: Jose Canseco adds his name to the UT football coach short list

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Slideshow
Jose Canseco in boxing gear
Is multi-talented athlete Jose Canseco the answer to the woes of UT football? Photo courtesy of kcconfidential.com
Jose Canseco in boxing gloves with baseball bat
The major league slugger turned in-ring slugger has a five-point plan to return the Longhorns to football glory. Photo courtesy of SI.com
Jose Canseco's goat wearing a diaper in the back of his car getting pulled over by cop
How can a goat in a diaper help with the Longhorns' weakness at the quarterback position? Canseco might know how. Photo courtesy of @JoseCanseco
Jose Canseco in boxing gear
Jose Canseco in boxing gloves with baseball bat
Jose Canseco's goat wearing a diaper in the back of his car getting pulled over by cop

Last week featured a storm of speculation and rumors swirling around the Texas Longhorns and the future of embattled head coach Mack Brown. Orangebloods.com and ESPN reported that Brown was out, which the coach and others in the administration quickly denied. But on Saturday, it appeared that Brown had his come-to-Jesus moment and announced that he would step down after the Valero Alamo Bowl on December 30.

Perhaps the administration should head to social media for the job search. Why settle for a coach from a top collegiate athletic program when you can have a washed up baseball player turned inept MMA fighter?

Now the only question that remains is who will be filling in the big shoes left by a coach with a 16-year legacy consisting of a national title, two Big 12 conference championships and numerous bowl game victories. Unfortunately, the dream choice of Nick Saban is out of the question, and the University of Texas will have to shell out the big bucks for any other top coaching candidate.

Perhaps the administration should head to social media for the job search. Why settle for a coach from a top collegiate athletic program when you can have a washed up baseball player turned inept MMA fighter? 

Jose Canseco, the former Oakland Athletic who admitted to extensive steroid use (and doesn't see what the big deal was all about), reached out to UT Athletic Director Steve Patterson (via an incorrect Twitter handle, mind you) and expressed his interest in the position, even creating a five-point plan for returning the Horns to glory.

For those who don't dabble in the world of Twitter, Canseco is a delightfully insane tweet machine, on par with Donald Trump and the Iron Sheik, and his ideas don't disappoint. In fact, it's almost scary how much sense they make, and we must give credit to Brandon Stroud of WithLeather.com for bringing this job application to our attention and for tirelessly recording the best hits of Canseco's Twitter ramblings. 

It's understandable if you're a little confused by that last tweet; Canseco is referencing his two pet goats, Coco and Chanel, one of which was in his car wearing a diaper when he was pulled over by a cop. Yes, this is par for the course in Canseco's life. Canseco wants to strengthen the linemen, which isn't a bad idea — until you remember that Canseco isn't ashamed of strengthening through unnatural means. 

The failed boxer also believes the Longhorns are ready to join the strongest conference in football and that UT should stop recruiting tiny, weak-armed quarterbacks, despite the fact that our recent starters have all easily been over six feet tall and that Vince Young was known more for his legs than his arms. There may be a few holes in Canseco's football résumé, but honestly it would be fascinating to find out how goats in diapers can propel the Longhorns back to the top of the Big 12.

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