Crazy Baby Names
Naming destiny's child: What is even up with Beyonce's baby's name?
So Beyonce made a baby. Well, maaaaaaaaaybe she made a baby. Maybe she had someone carry it for her so she could eat some Whataburger for the first time in her life and still be able to get back up on that treadmill in her heels in a week. Who even knows.
What we do know is that we have a new royal celebri-baby set to take the throne and rule what is fashionable and insane in Hollywood for the next ten years. Suri Cruise, by the way, is freakin' pissed.
So the royalty spawn is named Blue Ivy Carter. Ugh. UGHHHHH. This is fourteen times worse than that nightmare of Gwyneth's Apple debacle circa 2004.
Since it's all the nation is talking about besides Tim Tebow, we figured we'd help you out by compiling some of the best commentary that has been flying across the Interweb over the weekend. So turn your brain off for a second and just enjoy.
@stefnic: Thank God Beyonce had her baby and can go back to work. For the past 6 months that family's had to get by entirely on Jay-Z's salary.
@bobpowers1: My pot guy tried to sell me Blue Ivy eight months ago.
@scottaukerman: I wonder how long it will take Blue Ivy to become throne-trained?
@LouisPeitzman: If the Childlike Empress asked Bastian to give her a name, and he'd chosen ˝Blue˝ or ˝Apple˝ or ˝Blanket,˝ how pissed would she have been!
@jasonmustian: To determine her non-porn name, Blue Ivy will take the name of the street she grew up on and the name of her first pet.
@robdelaney: On the occasion of another weird celebrity baby name, let it be known: I put a baby in you, we're calling it "Tom" or "Mary."
There. With that out of the way, here's what People Magazine posits about why Hova and B chose the crazy stripper name that you'll hear thousands more times before the year is out. It's quite simple when you look back on the power couple's illustrious music careers. "Blue" is most likely in reference to Jay-Z's three classic Blueprint album titles. Which would make this newborn, technically, Blueprint #4. The number sign would be difficult to include on a birth certificate, though.
The second name, "Ivy," is a version of the number four in Roman numerals. Spelled out, four would be IV, or Ivy. Both of the parents were born on the fourth of their respective birth months and Beyonce's amazing last album was named 4.
So it seems they've been planning this baby name all along. This kid is the product of the best team-up in music. Better than "Crazy in Love," even. I say, give her a ridiculous name. She'll be calling all the shots in three years anyway.