love and relationships
Pink Kisses Answers: What if I don't feel a physical attraction with him?
Ellie Scarborough is a bodacious bombshell locked & loaded with intelligent answers to all your questions about dating, love, sex, breakups and all things in between. Ellie launched a community in 2010 to help girls get through heartbreak, giving them tips, tools and inspiration to keep them moving forward without looking back. Now, she's lending her expertise to CultureMap, solving the problems of the 512's lovelorn, one no-BS answer at a time.
Q: What do you do when you are dating someone great, who treats you with respect and kindness, but you just don't feel much physical attraction? I feel guilty for feeling this way. We have something great, but in some ways it feels more like a friendship because I don't have much sexual attraction. I keep going back and forth on what to do... he is great in so many ways, and I can't shake this feeling that I'm being shallow (even though that is not a typical characteristic for me). I'm afraid I might give up something good, but I also want what is best for him. Help!
A:Honestly? It's not just you. Your questions are 100 percent valid. If you don't get butterflies every time this guy kisses you, then you deserve more. As harsh as it may sound, attraction is a hugely important part of any relationship, and if it's not there you just can't force it. I think your gut is telling you the same thing, and good for you for beginning to follow that feeling.
However, remaining silent and torn over the issue isn't going to help you find happiness in this relationship either.
You don't have to feel guilty for recognizing the difference between friendship and a more meaningful relationship. It sounds like you care for this guy and want him to be happy too, and that definitely does not make you shallow. However, remaining silent and torn over the issue isn't going to help you find happiness in this relationship either.
I say rip the bandaid off and start moving on ASAP. I know that must be tough to hear, but it's the best advice I can give you. Your decision here will give you and this guy a chance at relationships that have it all. Life's too short to waste on a guy who's almost everything you want. I promise.
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