relationship advice
Pink Kisses answers: What do you do with an ex that is always playing games?
Ellie Scarborough is a bodacious bombshell locked & loaded with intelligent answers to all your questions about dating, love, sex, breakups and all things in between. Ellie launched a community in 2010 to help girls get through heartbreak, giving them tips, tools and inspiration to keep them moving forward without looking back. Now, she's lending her expertise to CultureMap, solving the problems of the 512's lovelorn, one no-BS answer at a time.
Q: I know it’s hard for you for give advice when you don’t know the whole history (that would take me hours!), but I’d like to know your opinion/advice on this: After a 1 year relationship with a guy I totally fell for, I recognized the patterns of being pushed away and then being pulled back. After the third time, I told him I wasn’t going back to do it all over again. It was hard, but I deleted him from my life, from Facebook, from messenger. He persisted in contacting me, and I ignored all his attempts.
A few weeks ago he showed up at my house at 2am on a Sunday morning to say “I’m sorry” in person and say he’s realizing I set the bar high — that the girls he’s meeting don’t compare to me. Following that I think he thought everything was “okay” or okay enough to be friends, but I ignored his texts… Most recently I got texts from him saying “Me not being with you has NOTHING to do with how much I love you. I can tell you that I’m not ready to settle; if I was, you’d the be one, most definitely.”
Please help me understand how to take this? He has ALWAYS said to me to move on and find someone else… that he couldn’t ask me to “wait”… Don’t you think his text is saying that? I love this guy despite all the pain he has caused me… Please help!
A: First of all, let me congratulate you on being strong, smart and independent. You knew when to walk away and you’ve been sticking to your guns. The bottom line is this: You’ve hit the nail on the head. You’re recognized the unhealthy push-and-pull pattern he subjects you to, and you’re aware that he’s not ready to settle down. To be honest, that’s all you NEED to know.
The issue here isn’t about him settling down; it’s about you settling for less than you should.
And from the sound of it, we’ll bet he’s right: You probably DID set the bar high. But if he’s not capable of reaching up far enough to hang onto you, then you deserve better. Every relationship has those awesome elements that are hard to let go of, and you’re probably letting those memories get inside your head and make you wonder if he’s worth waiting for. The answer is simple: He’s not. The issue here isn’t about HIM settling DOWN; it’s about YOU settling for less than you should.
If you’re going to be in a relationship, you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you RIGHT THIS SECOND and doesn’t play games with you. Guys like that do exist. Promise. Keep your chin up and keep treating yourself and the world around you with respect. You’ll be rewarded for it.
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