Ellie Scarborough and Amy Lynch are two bodacious bombshells locked & loaded with intelligent answers to all your questions about dating, love, sex, breakups and all things in between. Ellie launched a community in 2010 to help girls get through heartbreak, giving them tips, tools and inspiration to keep them moving forward without looking back. Now, she and professional partner-in-crime(s of the heart) Amy are lending their expertise to CultureMap, solving the problems of the 512's lovelorn one no-BS answer at a time.

Q:

I dated this guy for about 11 months. He was very quick with saying "I love you" (within 3 weeks), had me meet his parents, was talking about marriage and kids within months, telling me I was his soulmate and that he'd never met anyone like me. He's 30 and I'm 34. We got along great, he treated me well.

One day we were having dinner with my parents and, out of nowhere, he invited them to meet his parents the next week, at a party where his whole family was going to be. I was hesitant and a little taken off guard, since I thought it was too soon for the parents to meet, but I didn't say anything. My parents went and had a great time; he showed them around the house, telling them what his parents were going to give up for our apartment and telling my dad he couldn't wait to take me away for Christmas.

Two days later, he started acting weird and distant. We didn't see each other a lot during the week because of work schedules. By Wednesday he called and asked me if I would mind if he went hunting the upcoming weekend in Maine with someone from his EMT class. I got a little upset since we didn't see each other much and this was the first time I'd ever heard of his interest in hunting (??). When I asked very simply if girls were going, he said no and I got the cold shoulder from that point on.

I tried to contact him the next day, and he texted back after seven hours with a "Sorry, been busy all day" blowoff. This is the same kid who would text me or call all day long from his job. I tried to contact him on Friday, but he said he shut his phone off, and on Saturday, he said he had no service in Maine. He ended up breaking up with me over the phone the following week with excuses like, "I'm really busy right now," "I'm stressed," blah, blah, blah.

He owes me $1,300. We haven't spoken or seen each other since the breakup, and I'm stil having a hard time getting over it. I still have feelings for him and I have no idea why. I feel like I'm in a constant depression I can't get out of. I guess it's because I've never met a person who claimed to love me so much but when times got tough, just threw me out like a piece of trash. It makes a person feel, ugly and worthless. I don't know what to do.

A:

Here's the short answer: this guy's a douche and you've GOT to get over him. Your feminine instinct is going to throw all sorts of excuses into your path, making you wonder if there was something you misinterpreted, something that was simply a terrible misunderstanding... something you could have done differently. Let's save you some time with the correct answer: NO. This guy played you, and whether or not that was his intention from the start or not doesn't really matter. He might be a total sociopath who steals money from women all the time, or he might just be a regular dude with a Peter Pan complex who thinks he can do whatever he wants without consequence and bails when things aren't exactly to his liking. Either way, you have to start seeing him for what he is, and know that you absolutely didn't deserve what he did to you. Period.

Don't let this dude stick around in your thoughts any longer. He's not worth it. Zooey Dechanel's character on The New Girl sums it up perfectly when she talks about her ex who cheated on her right in front of her face: "It's like he's a wizard," she says, noting the fact that he's not worth her time and acknowledging that there's no logical reason for her to stay all hung up over him. In your case, there are multiple promises—and dollar bills—out there in the world that you'll never get back. That should be plenty of reason to kick his memory to the curb and keep on walking. Don't keep living under his spell and letting him affect your future relationships. He only has as much power as you let him have. You're the one in control of your thoughts, your feelings and your future—not him. Release yourself and trust your ability to judge what's right for you. Your accuracy rate is greater than you realize.

To wit, let's take a minute and do an instant replay: when you started dating this guy, he dropped an L bomb three weeks in. Part of you probably got swept up in the moment, but part of you thought it was weird, right? When he insisted on getting the parentals together, you knew it was way too soon and something felt off. When he came up out of nowhere talking about heading off to Maine and shooting stuff, it seemed strange, and you felt the need to ask if girls were involved. In the future, when you find yourself in a moment where the guy you're with does or says something that's just plain off, listen to the little voice inside your head. If it tells you to ask questions, ask questions. And if it tells you to run, by all means, run. Don't allow yourself to waste your time on guys who make the hair on the back of your neck stand up but are just charming enough to keep you coming back for more. Life's too short for that.

Trust people worth trusting, and let the others fall by the wayside. Once you make a promise to yourself to trust your gut, dating gets a million times easier, and that's when you find the ones who are good for you.

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