school of life

Season's grievings: Post Sandy Hook, I'm observing 28 Days of Anger, not 12 daysof Christmas

I’m having a hard time moving on after the Sandy Hook tragedy. Maybe it’s because we have had so many of these mass killings recently. Or perhaps it’s because most of the victims were so young. Or it could be the millions of emotional miles between the extreme grief caused by this massacre and the sheer joy that we are supposed to experience at Christmas.

I try to work through my Christmas “to do” list, but then the UPS truck delivers a parcel containing a Christmas present for my twelve year old daughter, and I think of the deliveries that are still arriving at the homes of families in Newton for children who will not be there to open them on Christmas morning. And just like that, I am no longer in the mood to festoon shiny foil packages with oversized ribbons.

I go about routine chores like packing my daughter’s lunch for school and my phone lights up with a cheerful text from my grown son while on his way to work, and then I imagine the families of the staff members who worked at Sandy Hook who will no longer get shout outs from their loved ones.

Eventually I reach a tipping point with all of this sadness and it morphs into anger. And in that moment I finally find some comfort.

I work with people who are going through divorce, coaching them on how to move forward during times of upheaval and despair. One of my key messages to my clients is this: Sadness is natural, but it is also strength-sapping. The challenge is to work through your sadness and get to the next stop: Anger.

In anger there is power — the power to propel yourself through your crisis and on to a better place. Sadness can keep you paralyzed. But anger can fuel action and generate growth. Anger can actually make you stronger.

And given how many things make me angry about this tragedy, I should be able to single-handedly lift cars before long. On Facebook I saw one of those old fashioned posters paired up with a contemporary caption. It read, “We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.”

Calling someone who commits a massacre like the one at Sandy Hook an idiot minimizes the magnitude of this horrifying event. It’s like calling Timothy McVeigh a pest or Ted Kaczinsky a nuisance.

People who believe there is a war on Christmas are idiots. Guys who wear shirts that say things like, “I’m not as think as you drunk I am,” are idiots. But people who murder innocent people for no apparent reason are psychopaths. There’s a big difference.

And speaking of the “war” on Christmas, during a time when 27 people just had their lives taken, how about we save the word “war” for things that actually involve the loss of human life, not some imaginary campaign against the biggest holiday of the year?

Also floating around on Facebook is the proposal, apparently made in earnest, that in order to stop school shootings we should place three or four armed veterans at each public school. This may be the most dangerous “solution” I’ve heard for a long list of reasons, but mainly this one: Turning school safety into an arms race would not be just a wrong turn, it would be the shortest route to a dead end.

I tell my clients that our children learn how to handle hardship and tragedy from watching us. We have to model for them how to deal with grief and work through anger, while continuing to put one foot in front of the other, even — no, especially — when we don’t think we can. And when we feel like we can’t do it for ourselves, that’s when we do it for our children.

Now my challenge is to practice what I preach. I have to channel all of this anger toward something positive or else I will be wasting a precious resource and putting myself and my family at risk by stockpiling a potentially destructive emotion. I have to model for my daughter the steps involved in dealing with loss while continuing to live our lives. I have to figure out a way to pay respect to the tragedy but still celebrate Christmas.

So, here’s my plan for converting my anger into action:

There were 26 people who lost their lives in the Sandy Hook massacre, plus the perpetrator and his mother. That’s a total of 28 people. The first 911 call was placed at 9:35 a.m. So, for the next 28 days, I will donate $9.35 to the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence.

Each daily donation will be both to honor the memory of one of the lives lost, and a call to action to someone whose help is needed in the effort to pass reasonable gun control legislation.

I realize that $9.35 seems like a paltry sum — insultingly low, really — to associate with a life that has been lost. And I understand that the cumulative total of $261.80 cannot by itself finance even a single hour of a campaign that has any chance of succeeding against the vast machine that is the NRA.

But viewed in the context of this writer’s “income,” the amount is far more substantial. It represents a way I can process my anger in a positive way. And it’s an effort my daughter can both understand and participate in.

I’m on day three of my daily donations to the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence. Today’s donation was made as a tribute to the memory of Rachel Davino, a 29 year old behavioral therapist at Sandy Hook Elementary who was days away from getting engaged, and a call for courage from Vice President Joe Biden as he oversees the efforts to get reasonable gun control legislation passed.

Yesterday’s donation was to honor the memory of seven year old Daniel Barden who dreamed of being a firefighter, and a call for courage from NRA President Wayne LaPierre to support reasonable gun control legislation.

I feel a little bit better already.

The Sandy Hook tragedy notwithstanding, I hope everyone manages to find some peace and joy this Christmas.

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San Antonio leads Texas on ending horse-drawn carriage rides by 2030

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Horses will no longer pull carriages on the streets of downtown San Antonio.

San Antonio has pulled off something that the rest of Texas has yet to do, but it didn't come without some contentious conversations. City Council has unanimously voted (with one abstention) to phase out the use of horse-drawn carriages over the next five years. That means by January 1, 2030, there will be none on the streets at all; instead, there will be electric carriages.

These plans have been in the making since 2022 — if not always at the same level of intensity — when District 2 Councilmember Jalen McKee-Rodriguez and District 3 Councilmember Phyllis Viagran wrote up some concerns about the horses' wellbeing. A special session at the end of October 2024 hinted to San Antonians that the end for this practice was neigh — sorry, nigh — and the final vote was made on December 12. In addition to accepting the plan, it extended its timeframe by two years.

The initial proposal included worries about the horses' exposure to traffic and pollution, as well how their presence might exacerbate those issues for the environment at large by slowing traffic. It also raised concerns about the effects of standing or walking on hard surfaces for too long, or spending time in extreme weather.

At the December 12 meeting, San Antonians gave impassioned speeches about animal welfare — both to call attention to the need for better conditions and to defend the reputations and jobs of current horse drivers — but it wasn't the first time the council heard from the public about the issue.

In a prior city survey, 50,476 respondents weighed in. Of those respondents, 51.98 percent said they liked the idea to "Transition horse-drawn carriages to electric carriages and pedicabs and ban horse drawn carriages completely." There were alternative solutions listed, but respondents were less drawn to them.

A cultural divide emerged in the data and continued in the December meeting: some people avoided the carriages because they worried about the treatment of the horses, while others enjoyed them because of their historical echoes and living legacy. Many speakers in favor of the plan used this to form their argument, raising questions about history versus progress.

More tangible objections to the plan hinged on the businesses — specifically five companies — and jobs that would be lost, which was the main factor behind extending the adjustment period.

Discussions about the particulars of the electric vehicles are still to come, as confirmed in the discussion near the end of the meeting. Councilmember Jalen McKee-Rodriguez addressed concerns about what would happen to the horses, mentioning the Brady Hunter Foundation as a future partner in finding them rescue homes.

Some council members also brought up rhetorical questions about animal exploitation by groups like Sea World, the San Antonio Stock Show & Rodeo, military and police forces, and even various groups in the Fiesta parade, although these did not come with a formal motion to pick the issues up.

This decision could have a ripple effect on other Texas cities. Dallas has recently considered a similar ban, but it appears to have stalled; Austin's attempts at a ban have been unsuccessful, but according to the Austin-American Statesman, only one operator is permitted to bring horses downtown. She declines to do so because the long hours are unfair to her and the horses. Houston does have horse-drawn carriages, and there seems to be little conversation about banning them.

Cities like Chicago and Salt Lake City have led the charge in the United States with some of the most prominent successful bans. Other cities around the world with bans include Brussels and Guadalajara, which both switched to electric models. Bans that have been around for years, like Guadalajara's and Prague's, still aren't out of the woods — people are still pushing back on the decision, so it sounds like San Antonio still has much work cut out for it.

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