About Vase

Emotional Hardbody answers: What do you do with a surly dinner party guest?

Dear Emotional Hardbody,

Last Friday I had a few people over for a small dinner party. My friend Amber arrived just as I was pulling the lasagna and garlic bread out of the oven. Amber handed me a bouquet of flowers when she greeted me. I thanked her for them, then returned to the business of serving dinner.

Thanks to wine and great conversation the dinner stretched over a couple of hours. Eventually, various friends began to leave. As I was clearing away the dessert dishes, Amber followed me into the kitchen to say goodbye. Once in the kitchen Amber’s face suddenly dropped. The flowers she had brought were lying on the kitchen counter right where I had set them after she initially handed them to me.

Amber grabbed the bouquet and gave me a piece of her mind. She told me she thought it was rude of me to have neglected to put the flowers in a vase. She then said since it was obvious I didn’t appreciate her gift, that she would take the flowers home with her and she would find an extra 30 seconds to fill a vase with water and plop them into it.

She left in a huff and I was stunned. I certainly didn’t mean to intentionally slight her by not putting the flowers in a vase. The truth is I just forgot about them because I was so busy trying to get dinner served. I emailed her an apology, but I haven’t heard back from her.

Part of me feels bad that she thinks I didn’t care about her hostess gift; but part of me thinks she’s being overly prickly. What do you think?

Signed,

Thorny Issue

Dear Thorny,

So, the bloom is off your friendship with Amber over a bouquet of flowers and you feel bad? Let's nip that in the bud. If anyone should be apologizing, it’s Amber. Hostess gifts are supposed to thank the hostess for her hard work, not punish her by giving her more work to do.

Hostess gifts should never require assembly. If Amber wanted to bring flowers, she should have brought them already in a vase. But bringing a bunch of cut flowers and then getting snippy when the hostess doesn’t drop what she is doing, get a vase and arrange them is sort of like bringing a box of cake mix and a can of icing to a dinner party and then getting upset when the hostess doesn’t serve up that cake for dessert.

Because Amber brought a hostess gift that required assembly, it was up to her to finish the job. In other words, she should have asked you to point her in the direction of a vase so she could put them in water herself.

And the fact that her gift required assembly wasn’t the only problem with it. Amber’s gift also came with secret expectations. Secret expectations often come into play when guests bring bottles of wine to a party. Some guests get mad when the bottle gets opened because they secretly expected the host to save it for later. Other guests get mad when the bottle doesn’t get opened because they secretly expected to get to drink some of it themselves. Either way, the secret expectations are unreasonable and rude.

But I can’t tell you what not to bring and how not to act without offering any helpful suggestions. That would be like showing up at a dinner party empty handed, then criticizing the gifts that everyone else brought. When it comes to foolproof hostess gifts, you can never go wrong with a warm bottle of champagne. Because it’s warm, it’s clear that you do not intend for it to be served that evening. And because it’s champagne, the hostess is sure to love it. (Unless, of course, your hostess is a nondrinker, in which case you should bring a small box of chocolates — enough for the hostess to enjoy, but not enough to share with the entire crowd.)

By the way, if this incident causes a permanent rift between you and Amber, I’d be happy to take her spot at the table when you have your next dinner party. I love lasagna and garlic bread! And I’ll bring a bottle of rosé that you can open whenever you want — and rosé is as close to bringing flowers as I’ll come.

Bon appetit!

Emotional Hardbody

unspecified

Red Light

San Antonio leads Texas on ending horse-drawn carriage rides by 2030

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Horses will no longer pull carriages on the streets of downtown San Antonio.

San Antonio has pulled off something that the rest of Texas has yet to do, but it didn't come without some contentious conversations. City Council has unanimously voted (with one abstention) to phase out the use of horse-drawn carriages over the next five years. That means by January 1, 2030, there will be none on the streets at all; instead, there will be electric carriages.

These plans have been in the making since 2022 — if not always at the same level of intensity — when District 2 Councilmember Jalen McKee-Rodriguez and District 3 Councilmember Phyllis Viagran wrote up some concerns about the horses' wellbeing. A special session at the end of October 2024 hinted to San Antonians that the end for this practice was neigh — sorry, nigh — and the final vote was made on December 12. In addition to accepting the plan, it extended its timeframe by two years.

The initial proposal included worries about the horses' exposure to traffic and pollution, as well how their presence might exacerbate those issues for the environment at large by slowing traffic. It also raised concerns about the effects of standing or walking on hard surfaces for too long, or spending time in extreme weather.

At the December 12 meeting, San Antonians gave impassioned speeches about animal welfare — both to call attention to the need for better conditions and to defend the reputations and jobs of current horse drivers — but it wasn't the first time the council heard from the public about the issue.

In a prior city survey, 50,476 respondents weighed in. Of those respondents, 51.98 percent said they liked the idea to "Transition horse-drawn carriages to electric carriages and pedicabs and ban horse drawn carriages completely." There were alternative solutions listed, but respondents were less drawn to them.

A cultural divide emerged in the data and continued in the December meeting: some people avoided the carriages because they worried about the treatment of the horses, while others enjoyed them because of their historical echoes and living legacy. Many speakers in favor of the plan used this to form their argument, raising questions about history versus progress.

More tangible objections to the plan hinged on the businesses — specifically five companies — and jobs that would be lost, which was the main factor behind extending the adjustment period.

Discussions about the particulars of the electric vehicles are still to come, as confirmed in the discussion near the end of the meeting. Councilmember Jalen McKee-Rodriguez addressed concerns about what would happen to the horses, mentioning the Brady Hunter Foundation as a future partner in finding them rescue homes.

Some council members also brought up rhetorical questions about animal exploitation by groups like Sea World, the San Antonio Stock Show & Rodeo, military and police forces, and even various groups in the Fiesta parade, although these did not come with a formal motion to pick the issues up.

This decision could have a ripple effect on other Texas cities. Dallas has recently considered a similar ban, but it appears to have stalled; Austin's attempts at a ban have been unsuccessful, but according to the Austin-American Statesman, only one operator is permitted to bring horses downtown. She declines to do so because the long hours are unfair to her and the horses. Houston does have horse-drawn carriages, and there seems to be little conversation about banning them.

Cities like Chicago and Salt Lake City have led the charge in the United States with some of the most prominent successful bans. Other cities around the world with bans include Brussels and Guadalajara, which both switched to electric models. Bans that have been around for years, like Guadalajara's and Prague's, still aren't out of the woods — people are still pushing back on the decision, so it sounds like San Antonio still has much work cut out for it.

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