Arrested no more
Diehard fans of possibly the greatest canceled show ever have had their heartstrings tugged constantly since Arrested Development went off the air in 2006. The constant talk of a return to cable, premium channels, or even to the silver screen, emotionally wrecked fans almost to the point of complete nihilism.
Finally, the gods of television have smiled upon this wayward show when Netflix announced Wednesday a concrete date for the premiere of the series’ brand new episodes. Of course “concrete date” for Netflix is defined as the month of May. (A previous announcement by Netflix specifically mentioned May 4, but that date was immediately pulled, sending a douche chill through fans nationwide.)
But a specific release date really isn’t that important for what show creator Mitch Hurwitz is describing as a “giant 700-minute” episode. All 14 episodes of the season are being dumped on the site at the same time, which means fans should plan for a special gathering: a day-long marathon of family dysfunction, betrayals and life lessons from George Bluth, Sr.
Here are a few ideas to make sure that your watch party is solid as a rock.
The first thing to consider is that snacks are going to be necessary to keep everyone’s energy up, and to make sure that no jokes go unnoticed. Obviously this calls for a steady diet of Bluth’s Original Frozen Banana, but since Bananarchy doesn’t offer deliveries, you might have to make your own at home. Luckily, these are super easy to make, so if you’re designated as the Mr. Manager for the party, keep your freezer well stocked with banana bunches.
And if you feel like you can’t last the day subsisting solely on chocolate-dipped, frozen bananas, then consider a main course of Lindsey Bluth’s homemade hot ham water. Just throw a canned ham in some boiling water for a dish that is watery, but with a smack of ham. Or if you’re smart enough to keep your leftover bones with plenty of meat on them, throw them in a pot and add some broth and a potato. Baby you got a stew going!
With the May debut, fans have a few months to get costumes ready for premiere day. Consider not going as Tobias Fünke as a Blue Man Group understudy. It’s been done a million times every Halloween since the show went off the air, so try getting a little more creative. The show features an impressive cast of minor characters to dress up as and pay homage to. Why not consider being Steve Holt dressed as Beatrice or even a Saddam Hussein body double? Even a $6,300 suit can do the trick!
Special activities should also be planned in case guests needs to take a break from the hilarity. Hosts can quickly call up any local magicians (who are approved by the Alliance of Magicians) to perform illusions, or the whole gang can gather around to sing everyone’s favorite tracks from Franklin Comes Alive.
But any proper Arrested Development party should, without a doubt, include a chicken dance competition, where the winner should be whoever dances in a way that totally doesn’t mimic what a chicken acts or sounds like. It’s the Bluth family way.
Arrested Development's return is a moment that fanatics have been awaiting for years. As long as the new episodes don’t disappoint, it will also be the perfect day to start a petition on the White House’s We the People website to make sure that a movie will indeed happen.