The tenth anniversary Austin City Limits Festival is upon us. Though there’ll be thousands of people there, we can’t all make it to ACL. Maybe you don’t have the money, the time or the social skills to deal with 75,000 people in the Texas heat.

This town is full of fun things to do, though. Here are some creative alternatives to keep you distracted while you are missing your favorite bands.

Brandi Carlile - Friday 2:10 p.m.

ACL has just started and you're already feeling left out. Your friends are probably rocking out with a Lone Star as their 2011 ACL experience begins. But who needs singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile when you have 80’s pop queen Belinda Carlisle?! Bust out your Go-Go's cassette tapes and get to dancing! Boogeying to "Vacation" is always fun, even IF you're hysterically crying by yourself in your room! The best part is: you don’t even have to take off time from work! That's because you don't have any work, you unemployed sad-sack. If you did, you would have enough money to do other things besides watch hours of Melrose Place on Netflix in a dark room.

Coldplay - Friday 8:10 p.m.

All of your friends are enjoying Chris Martin's sweet, haunting voice now, so you have no one to go out with on Friday night. You still have your best friend, The Internet, to hang out with again! In honor of Coldplay's probably-amazing set, you can check out Martin's wife, the esteemed comeback actress, Gwyneth Paltrow's weird little website, Goop. Write down all of Gwyneth’s favorite cheeses, and then hit up Antonelli's Cheese Shop in Hyde Park to recreate a dinner party between you (as Gwyneth) and Chris and Apple sharing the perfect rich people cheese plate. You could even edit together parts of Shakespeare in Love and A Rush of Blood to the Head to pretend you’re on a threesies date with this power couple! You’re not so alone as long as their voices are near...

Fitz and the Tantrums - Saturday 5 p.m.

Okay, "MoneyGrabber" is an extremely fun song. But do you know what's more fun than the song "MoneyGrabber"? Being in a real money-grab machine! Instead of dancing like a maniac during Fitz and the Tantrums' set, you can snatch money from the air like a...maniac grabbing for swirling dollar bills in the air. There are several companies that will rent you a money grab machie in Austin. All you have to do is fill it with your own money (real or fake, doesn't matter) and then start grabbing away at all that air-money! No rich friends even required. They would have probably made fun of your dancing anyway. Warning: Putting coins in the machine can be super dangerous, and you clearly can’t afford the medical bills what with having no insurance.

Stevie Wonder - Saturday 8 p.m.

I'm sure Stevie Wonder still puts on a good show. But why settle if you don't have to? You could be using your time to design, build and jump inside a real-life time machine! Then, you could travel back in time and catch all of Stevie Wonder's legendary sets. See Stevie in the early sixties when he was still known as "Little Stevie Wonder." Catch his legendary concert at Madison Square Garden four months after he CAME OUT OF A COMA. You don't even have to choose between Stevie Wonder and My Morning Jacket, like those unlucky souls at ACL. Just be careful not to alter history too much, you could erase Mr. Wonder entirely from our lives. You’ve most likely got enough people irreversibly mad at you already.

The Head and the Heart - Sunday 1:30 p.m.

You've made it through missing two days of your favorite music, while your friends with rich parents (or "real jobs") have been rocking out and getting wasted. You’re going to need something to get you over missing the dreamy folk pop of The Head and the Heart. I say go all out, and treat your head and your heart to something special. Call up an ex and try to convince them to give you a soothing head massage. They’ll probably say no. But then—UPSIDE!—The Head and the Heart will be the perfect band to cry yourself to sleep to! And if you play it loud enough, you may even distract the cops from arresting you for breaking your ex’s pesky restraining order against you.

Arcade Fire - Sunday 8:30 p.m.

Montreal's Arcade Fire closes out the festival with what will probably be an awesome set that thousands will love. But what most people don't know is that the group's founder, Win Butler, and brother and fellow band member, Wil, are actually from The Woodlands, Texas. So during their set, you can take a quick two and a half hour road trip to pay homage to the Tenth Anniversary headliners. With over 180 stores at the Woodlands Mall and tons of fine dining surrounding it, you have enough options to fill the whole weekend. The Waterway Cruisers are a fun way to get from Panera Bread to Chicos for only five-dollars! Maybe you can even apply for a job while there and make enough money to go next year’s Eleventh Anniversary Austin City Limits Festival. This whole trip depends on if your car will start of course...

Basically, what I'm saying is: Who needs ACL? Look at all the fun I'm going to have at my home this weekend without it.

But if anyone has tickets, pleasecontactmeimmediately.