As another football season begins, coaches are giving their players pep talks and laying out game plans of what they want to see on the field. They talk of unity and teamwork and communication and what is needed to reach a common goal. Football is a lot like relationships. It can’t be every man for himself and still work, but each player has to have their own unique talents to help bring the team success.

I found Tammy and Tim McCulley out tailgating with friends near the University of Texas campus around 11am Saturday morning (with kickoff not until 7pm, they are obviously big UT fans). They say they spend their Saturdays this time of year preparing for and enjoying tailgate parties and their shared love of football is something that keeps them close.

“It’s one of those things where she and I, we’re rooting for the same team, we’re having a good time. You know if Texas wins, it puts a smile on our faces. If they don’t, we feel kind of sad but we wake up the next morning, we still love each other and we have a life to live and we enjoy being with each other,” Tim said.

The McCulley’s seem to have a good thing going. But for people who don’t share their partner’s love of football, this season can be lonely and frustrating. There are clubs for Football Widows who feel abandoned as their men’s attention is consumed at least one day a week for the next 5 months. I spoke to a few relationship experts and their advice to these folks was to do one of three things:

1) Communicate those frustrations with their partners in a productive, non-threatening way.

2) Join them.

3) Take advantage of the time to do something they’ve always wanted to do, like take a dance class, learn a new language, or get together with friends.

Life and relationship coach David Cantu says it's important that all couples have joint interests, but equally important that they have activities they enjoy separately. “Both are important. Shared because that interest can work as a bridge to create greater connection and appreciation of one another. It makes it more fun and exciting… having different interests creates greater self confidence and that greater versatility in turn makes relationships more interesting.”

I spotted Mark Hanley and his buddies drinking beer and watching some early games just down the street from Tim and Tammy. Mark says he spends his Saturday’s cheering on his favorite teams, but his wife has no interest in donning a jersey and cheering alongside him. He says she spends her day doing things she wants to.

“I’ve been married 15 years now. Something tells me she actually enjoys the fact that I spend all day on a Saturday here. I think it annoys her a little bit but overall I think she’s happy to have the day to herself.”

I come from Canada where our version of football is a funny game to most Americans. It has a different length field and different rules and is not terribly popular, especially compared to hockey. My husband on the other hand is a diehard football fan from Mississippi (Hotty Toddy honey!). Football played a role in our relationship very early on. UT fans will appreciate this one. In my Texas football naivety, I accidentally scheduled our wedding on the day of the 2005 Red River Rivalry. As Craig Ferguson would say, in his fine Scottish accent, “I knooooow”. Big oops. My brother-in-law and his best friend who are huge Longhorn fans sat in the car listening to the game. I had to wait on them before making my grand church entrance. I’m pretty sure one of them had an ear piece in during the entire ceremony….and to top it off, the preacher gave the final score right after the vows (I still wonder how he even knew it! Hmmmm).

Over the years my husband and I have been together, my enjoyment of football has increased, but I still have my limits. After about 4 hours of sitting in front of the boob tube on a Saturday afternoon, I get restless. I know my man is happy doing what he wants to do so rather than get upset, I take advantage of the opportunity to do things that make me happy. Go shopping. Take our son to the pool. Get a pedicure. Have an adult beverage with a girlfriend.

Mark was a little worried that talking to me about how football affects his relationship might get him into trouble with his wife. I hope this comment of his doesn’t but I just had to include it! Mark told me,

“When I get home she would tell me that she’s been cleaning the house, going to the grocery store… but I am certain that she’s relaxing in the afternoon and going to a movie or going shopping.”

He says for now, they are happy doing their own things, but that sometimes changes as the season wears on. “It is an unspoken tension. Though probably by October I’ll hear something about it.”

My husband and I have found a good mix. He watches football most of the day Saturday. I feel free to interrupt him with questions and comments and usually root for the opposite team, just to make things interesting (except of course during Ole Miss games, cause that’d be just wrong). I watch a few hours every weekend and he watches our son if I decide I’d rather go do something else. And once football season is over, we spend many weekends doing whatever I want to do. Oh and once the new fall television season starts, my husband has to watch chick shows like “Desperate Housewives” and “Dancing With Stars” with minimal whining. In return, I have promised not to subject him to “Bachelor Pad”. Seems fair since it’s a show I can barely stomach.

So, to sum up, for the next 5 months, you can either become teammates and celebrate your victories and the agony of defeat, learn Japanese or throw a ‘Hail Mary’ and hope for the best. My suggestion is abiding by the age-old notion of, “if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em.” And if that fails, I hear there’s a nice spot with a mani-pedi special next Saturday!