Ellie Scarborough is a bodacious bombshell locked & loaded with intelligent answers to all your questions about dating, love, sex, breakups and all things in between. Ellie launched a community in 2010 to help girls get through heartbreak, giving them tips, tools and inspiration to keep them moving forward without looking back. Now, she's lending her expertise to CultureMap, solving the problems of the 512's lovelorn one no-BS answer at a time.

Q: I just broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. We had been dating for two and a half years, and he was my first boyfriend. There were plenty of reasons why I broke up with him and, deep down, I had been wanting to break up with him for a long time—I was just always hoping he would break up with me first. But I finally had to do it because I wasn't happy; he wasn't a terrible boyfriend, but I didn't think it was working. He was heartbroken and is still very depressed about it. I still talk to him every so often because I do miss him and it's hard to go from always talking to him to not talking to him at all, but also because I feel guilty that I dumped him and I don't want to completely abandon him too. Also, he still wants to be friends... I'm not sure if that'll work, but again, I feel guilt for leaving him and I don't want to ignore him.

Anyway, it's been a month. He is still in terrible shape and I'm not always top notch, but I'm doing well. The thing is, I have a crush on another guy. I don't plan on rushing into anything right now because I know I need time to adjust, but what would an appropriate amount of time be to wait until I should be allowed to date someone new? How do I deal with telling my ex? Why do I feel so guilty for having a crush on someone? Do you think I actually like this guy, or am I just fixating on someone to distract myself from my breakup?

A: Know what? The interesting thing is, you've already answered some of your own questions simply by asking them—which tells me that, deep down, you know what you need to do. You're just afraid to do it.

First of all, let's tackle the issue of how to handle your situation with your ex. It's interesting; through Pink Kisses, I often give advice to girls who desperately want to stay in contact with their ex-boyfriends and come up with all sorts of reasons why it makes sense (even though it really doesn't). In this case, the roles are reversed: you're the one who wants to pull away but feels guilty for it. Truly, though, you're pressing a bruise and refusing to let him heal, and that's the part you should actually feel guilty about. By staying in contact, you're delaying his (and your) recovery.

Whether you realize it or not, you're doing more harm than good right now. Look—no breakup is fun. Nobody likes hurting someone they care (or cared) about. But sticking around under the "friendship" label isn't particularly honest, especially when you're doing it out of pity. Let him be a man and pick himself up. Let him do it on his own. Even though you may feel bad about it, you need to walk away. The more space you give him to bounce back and move on with his life, the less guilty you'll feel over time, because you'll have given him enough room to breathe again without you.

I wrote a blog post on my site not long ago about knowing when to walk away instead of waiting for someone else to do it for you. Check it out and let it validate some things you probably already know in your gut, but need to hear out loud so they can sink in.

Now, as for you being ready to get back out there: you'll know when you're ready—because when you are, there won't be any question about it. If there's doubt in your mind that enough time has passed, then you're right. Not enough time has passed. There's no set rule—no exact formula—for how long you should wait, except that by the time you start dating again, you basically need to feel pretty much completely free of feelings for your ex. As for telling him you're seeing someone new, there's no need. As we just covered, you shouldn't be in contact with him these days to begin with. If you ever cared about him at all—and it sounds like you truly did, and in some ways still do—you've got to let him go. It's the right thing to do. And when it's time to move on to someone new, you'll just know.

It really is that simple—all you have to do is realize it.

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Want your question answered? Shoot an email to ellie {at} pinkkisses {dot} com to see what she has to say.