Relationship advice
Pink Kisses answers: "Help! I'm in a relationship but falling for someone else!"
Ellie Scarborough is a bodacious bombshell locked & loaded with intelligent answers to all your questions about dating, love, sex, breakups and all things in between. Ellie launched a community in 2010 to help girls get through heartbreak, giving them tips, tools and inspiration to keep them moving forward without looking back. Now, she's lending her expertise to CultureMap, solving the problems of the 512's lovelorn one no-BS answer at a time.
Q:
I've been in a relationship for a year, but I have feelings for my best friend (who's a guy). Advice?
A:
You must feel incredibly confused right now, being in a relationship and having feelings for someone else. I think there are probably a few things going on: first, your relationship with your current boyfriend isn't everything you hoped it would be, and as much as you want it to work, you're not 100% engaged in the relationship. If that's the case, then the best thing to do is rip the band aid off and let him move on as soon as possible.
Second, don't you dare dive right into your next relationship. Give yourself time to heal from your breakup and see if the feelings you have for your guy best friend are real, or just a passing infatuation. There’s some more good news: there are a lot of things you can do after the breakup to make you feel better & figure out what you really want in your life. Here are just a few:
1. Take the same amount of time you used to spend with the boy each day (or week, or whatever) and spend it doing something new instead. Try a new creative pursuit like drawing, painting, singing, dancing… or a new sport, or reading a new book, or doing something totally unexpected and fun. Spend it exploring YOU and uncovering your passions.
2.Meet new people starting today. Dive into your work and spend time with coworkers. Check out meetup.com for people doing things you enjoy (everything from seeing chick flicks to sharing your love of hiking). Create your own happy hour/Sunday Brunch group. If you're doing things you love and being social while you're at it, you might just discover maintaining the friendship you have with your guy best friend is worth it. It's a good test to see just how deep your feelings are for him and if you're willing to cross the friendship line.
3. More than anything I highly encourage you to check out the Betty Plan — it was written from the heart to help girls just like you get through breakups one day at a time. It’s intelligent, it’s inspiring, and it sends you an email a day — every day for 30, 60 or 90 days — with a step to take to get over your ex and keep moving forward. It works.
Listen, there's a reason you're not so focused on the boy you're dating right now. Trust your gut. It's not going to be easy, but it could just be the best thing you can do, for both of you.
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