Y'all, our time with The Bachelorette is almost over. Next week is the finale, but first it's time for the men to "tell all." Chris Harrison opens this extravaganza by explaining that usually the Bachelorette mansion is like a frat house, but this season there was more fighting than ever before. He even says they hired security for this filming, and that he spent some extra time in the gym, but we probably can’t tell. Aw, Chris! Don’t be so self-deprecating! You look great for a creepy reality TV host, buddy.
He also promises a lot of drama, but first: a look back at some of the craziest moments from “Men Tell All” history. And then we get another montage, 'cause really, that’s what this show is all about. This one includes highlights from this season, like Lucas, aka "Whaboom," being ridiculous and fighting with Blake; Demario’s ex-girlfriend (or maybe current girlfriend) confronting him; Iggy gossiping about everyone; and, of course, Lee being racist and starting fights with Eric and Kenny.
Chris Harrison asks about Blake and Whaboom’s drama, giving it some air time before pivoting to DeMario and the girl who showed up at the basketball date claiming to be his lover. First, DeMario says she’s totally random then he admits, yeah, he knew her, but she’s more of what he would consider a “side chick.” DeMario asks for photo evidence that he and this girl Lexi ever dated, calling it “ocular proof,” which is a phrase I really hope catches on in court rooms.
Whaboom takes this opportunity to point out that DeMario has been through a lot this season. We haven’t touched upon it in these recaps, but there was some drama involving his presence on Bachelor in Paradise and alleged sexual misconduct with another contestant on the show. He was cleared of any wrongdoing. Jamey points out that the “two worst people” on the show are teaming up, and Dean comes to DeMario’s defense, pointing out that Lee is a way worse person. Thanks, Jamey. Who are you?
Whaboom also starts defending Josiah against Iggy’s claims that he was fake, calling Iggy a joke and prompting the rest of the guys to ask how a guy like Whaboom (whose claim to fame is the way in which he screeches a nonsense word) can call anyone else a joke.
Finally we get to the drama between Kenny and Lee. Kenny explains that he never intended to start any sort of drama, but when Lee began acting up he felt he had to “check him.” Will acknowledges that the arguing between the dudes started to permeate the house (both literally, because their fighting could always be heard echoing through the halls, and metaphorically), and that it took away from their experiences with Rachel.
Will asks if Lee is two different people, because he had initially liked him but then he saw Lee’s old racist, sexist tweets. Kenny acknowledged that he didn’t ever feel that Lee’s animosity was racially motivated, which is not the impression Dean got when he pointed out that all the men Lee was butting heads with were black.
Kenny then joins Chris Harrison in the “hot seat,” and they take a look back at Kenny’s relationship with Rachel. If you recall, Rachel was worried about Kenny missing his daughter, so she sent him home, even though they had a fairly strong relationship. Chris calls him a “big ol’ softie,” which is why everyone loves the sensitive pro wrestler.
The discussion turns to Kenny’s beef with Lee, and Kenny says that because he is committed to being a good role model for his daughter, he made a point of keeping his cool and not being aggressive toward Lee. To everyone’s surprise, Lee admits that no, Kenny never did “pull him out of a van,” and that he admires Kenny for always taking the high road. He even apologizes for his behavior.
I’m sorry, but this is not the “Men Tell All” I’m used to. Could someone please throw a chair or something? Are the producers too worried about potential scandal after the Bachelor in Paradise kerfuffle to get the men liquored up before the show? CHRIS, YOU ARE NOT DELIVERING ON THE DRAMA.
To his credit, Kenny immediately calls bull on Lee’s apology, but Lee continues to be cool and acknowledge his shortcomings.
And then Chris Harrison brings out Kenny’s daughter, McKenzie, who is carrying a single rose for her dad. She’s pretty much the cutest young lady ever, and they both immediately start crying. Chris Harrison pulls an Oprah and proclaims he’s sending McKenzie and Kenny to Disneyland the next day to celebrate Kenny’s birthday.
Next up, it’s Lee’s turn in the hot seat, and he seems very nervous. He cops to being “facetious” and making inappropriate comments when he gets anxious, which seems like sort of a poor excuse for his behavior. He does say that he’s ashamed though, and that he has some things that he “needs to fix.”
Dean, somehow the voice of reason on this episode in spite of the fact that he’s wearing a black and gray camouflage tuxedo jacket, calls Lee out for not renouncing his actions as the show was airing and actively promoting his bad behavior on social media. Dean thinks it’s crap that now that 18 people are calling him out he’s apologizing, but he never took ownership of his actions while the news was reporting on his nasty past tweets or his actions on the show. Chris Harrison shows photos of Lee’s tweets — including the most inflammatory one in which he compares the NAACP to the KKK — and Lee says he has a lot to learn.
Josiah isn’t having it though. He asks to join Lee “in the hot seat,” and, once up there, he proceeds to ask Lee why he would come on a show to date an African American woman. Lee says he doesn’t like racism: “It bothers me morally, and it bothers me inside.” He continues to apologize while also making excuses, saying that what people are getting from the tweet isn’t what he intended it to mean.
Iggy asks the obvious: “What did you intend it to mean?” Rather than give him a chance to respond, DeMario flips out, saying he wants to sit Lee down and give him a history lesson. I would be so down to watch that.
Anthony repeatedly asks Lee to explain what he did wrong, and Iggy reiterates the question. Lee replies that he said things he shouldn’t have because he was ignorant. He also acknowledges that his tweet was racist, and he "denounces" it. Everyone seems to accept that.
Do you buy Lee’s contrition? I’m not sure I do. At any rate, he and Kenny end up “hugging it out.”
Now it’s time to talk about Dean. The audience loves him, but I don’t know why because I always found him kind of boring. Dean and Chris talk about the awkward hometown date in which we saw the extent of Dean’s broken relationship with his father, and Dean says that though they haven’t repaired things yet, they may someday. Chris Harrison also reveals that Dean will be looking for love on Bachelor in Paradise this summer.
Finally Rachel comes out to face all the men, and she relives her decision to send Dean home. He joins her to discuss the breakup and asks how she could say she was falling in love with him and then send him home four days later. She maintains that she meant it, and Dean accepts that gracefully. Again, the lack of drama on this episode is really dissatisfying.
Rachel also playfully asks “DeMario who?” and calls the interactions between Lee and Kenny both “enlightening” and “disappointing.” She acknowledges that her position as the first black Bachelorette puts her in a unique place to comment on Lee’s behavior, then offers to give him lessons in black history and women’s rights. He apologizes and she accepts, because this is evidently the repent-and-be-converted episode of the “Men Tell All.” Lame.
Then the men get to question Rachel, and Fred really comes on strong, accusing her of never giving him a chance. She doesn’t disagree.
Then it’s time for the bloopers. I’m not going to describe them here, because bloopers really need to be witnessed. We did learn that Rachel trips and falls a lot, though, and that Dean hides gum behind his ear during interviews. Gross.
It seems that, like me, the producers of this particular episode of the “Men Tell All” could tell there just wasn’t enough content to fill a two-hour show. After a blooper montage, we get another montage of Rachel’s relationships with the three remaining men, followed by a montage of next week’s “dramatic” finale. I swear, if Chris Harrison doesn’t start delivering on the promise of drama on this damn show, I am done.
Oh, who are we kidding? I’ll see you here next week. Start stockpiling wine now.