The Taco Cannon War of 2013 just got real. Torchy's released its official statement in the he said/she said Fun Fun Fun Fest cannon debacle and oh, boy it's a doozy.
Jabs at James Moody! Irritable Bowel Syndrome! High-resolution photos of tacos! Seriously, this video has it all.
But then in 2013, it all went to hell. Fun Fun Fun Fest accused Torchy's of being a taco cannon traitor, of going renegade and creating a bigger, more powerful cannon for themselves.
To recap, Torchy's Tacos was the official taco supplier for the 2012 Fun Fun Fun Fest. During the festival, tacos were shot out of the cannon (which is basically a T-shirt gun), and everyone was stoked, because if there is anything that Texas takes seriously it's tacos and firearms.
But then in 2013, it all went to hell. Fun Fun Fun Fest accused Torchy's of being a taco-cannon traitor, of going renegade and creating a bigger, more powerful cannon for themselves. Transmission Events and Fun Fun Fun Fest partner James Moody sounded a battle cry heard all across Facebook, calling for blood. "Oh shit! #busted," Moody wrote. "please (sic) report all false taco cannon sightings here or Twitter — we must work together to achieve justice." Like a modern day Emancipation Proclamation, this new Civil War was waged and is being fought right here on our streets. In one last blow, FFF named Tamale House East the new king of the cannon and trademarked the name "Taco Cannon."
But October 9, Torchy's responded, saying that it will no longer stand idly by while these Transmission tyrants drag its name through the mud. No sir, it was their taco cannon, dammit, and they just wanted to make something better, stronger and more capable of hurdling tacos across Auditorium Shores and into the hands of hungry Austinites.
"Launchers like this have been around for decades in stadiums all across the country," Torchy's said. "Do you think you invented the music festival, too?"
Checkmate, Fun Fun Fun Fest.
In other world news, the president of Libya was captured by armed forces (but he was released), the Obama administration is temporarily cutting off aid to an increasingly unstable Egypt and our own government is still shut down, preventing everything from loan application approvals to military widows receiving benefits. But taco cannons, y'all!