Austinites just will not do things clothed, apparently. We slid in our ranking for naked gardening in 2023, but No. 2 ain't bad. Naked biking sounds a lot less appealing, but Austin is a great place to do it, coming in at No. 5 overall.

According to LawnStarter, who compiled the research out of the 200 largest cities in the U.S., Austin beat every other Texas locale, with Houston coming in at No. 13, San Antonio at No. 45, Dallas at 58, and everyone else doing pretty abysmally.

Austinites interested in trying this fringe sport can look into the World Naked Bike Ride, with the slogan, "Less Gas, More Ass." The next ride is scheduled this month, which is what inspired LawnStarter to do this important work. Austinites will have to travel to Houston to participate officially on September 9.

Not that having a black plastic bike seat between your cheeks in the blazing sun isn't a good idea in Texas — it just doesn't sound like a great one. Still, naked biking is surprisingly popular among Ausitnites, earning the city the 12th ranking in that category, tied with Madison, Wisconsin, and Boston, Massachusetts. If you're racking your brain for the last time you saw a naked biker cruising by in Austin, you're not alone. It may be more popular than it is in most other states, but it's certainly not the norm.

Austin's top category ranking was in friendliness to nudists (No. 2), which definitely fits our image as a city, and often comes back to our legally-protected toplessness, even in public places without nudist designations — a rarity in the United States. We were beat by Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, in that category and overall; The City of Brotherly Love also loves biking with their bits out.

Austin's worst ranking was in safety (No. 182), which was dragged down by our prevalence of sex offenders. Apparently, almost any U.S. city is better to live in if you don't want to live near a sex offender.

One would think Austin's climate would be anything but conducive to biking with nothing but sunscreen between your vulnerable human form and the punishing summer rays, but the city achieved No. 81 in the category, which is basically average.

The worst city for naked biking is one called Surprise, Arizona, which is a pretty sad surprise. Naked biking is decidedly unpopular, and the city's worst rank is in biker friendliness. If you're going to be out on the street like a modern-day Lady Godiva on gears, it does seem important that your city like bikers. The worst Texas city is Pasadena, for similar reasons.