Check the bitter
As a woman who grew up reading Batman comics, discovered makeup late in high school and who still walks out the door with deodorant stains on my cocktail dress, I have a slight aversion to the obligatory wedding season oohing and awing.
The table settings, infinite shades of white and cakes vs. cupcakes conversations all look and sound the same to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love weddings, I’ll even cop to having a wedding board on Pinterest. And an open bar, endless dancing, tulle and drunk relatives could only be more fun without Spanx under perfectly-tailored party attire. The problem is that all of that fun doesn’t come until the reception.
And before the reception there’s a ceremony, and right before the ceremony are all of your well-meaning friends’ and family’s reassurances that you, too, will find the right guy.
The truth is that I never really notice my single status until save-the-dates start piling up and honeymoon pictures fill my Facebook newsfeed (the older I get, the more frequent this happens). I actually enjoy my active career/social/travel-centric life. Still, when wedding season rears its pretty, pastel face, I take a moment to remember my survival plan.
Here’s my wedding season guide to ensuring sanity and good times:
- Make sure you’re well accompanied. I don’t mean a Joseph Gordon-Levitt look-alike (although, who could blame you?) I mean a guy or girlfriend who looks forward to getting down on the dance floor. And you better be dancing right alongside him or her. Which leads me to my next point . . .
- If you’re going to drink, pace yourself and make sure you’re having solids with your liquid diet. Everyone feels bad for the drunk girl who ends up crying, making a scene or making out with a stranger in the hotel lobby.
- Look and feel your best. This might be hard to do when you’re stuck in a poorly-cut, shimmery bridesmaid dress, but hey, everyone knows you didn’t choose that thing and you look damn good in it anyway.
- Have an after-party lined up. This can be a broseph-style club, a late-night bowl of pho, or a date with your sweatpants, TV and ice cream at home.
- Remember that the bride and groom (or bride and bride/groom and groom) have made a lifelong commitment and invited you to celebrate their union. Even if your friend is marrying the total jerk you warned her about (a warning which, naturally, only made him more enticing), remember this is her decision to make and you’ll be there for her when he’s good or when he’s really, really not good.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ll admit that I still secretly enjoy fantasizing about the perfect meet-cute with a sweet, nerdy guy who reaches for the same bottle of Clementine Izze before smiling knowingly at me. But I also cherish not having to text anyone my evening plans or weekend whereabouts.
So until (or if) my big day comes, I’ll relish in the love fests, banquets and I’ll even open my mind to the existence of another shade of eggshell-ivory white.
Plus, it’s nice to know I won’t have hundreds of thank you notes to write anytime soon.