Cheese Champs
Big cheese: Top winners announced at Mohawk's Quesoff 2012
Heavy is the burden of the Quesoff judge.
Deciding between the best melted cheese concoctions from the bounty of Austin's most eager queso makers is enough to make any (lactose tolerant, non-vegan) Texan's head spin and mouth water.
Beyond my wildest dreams, Cheese Christmas came early this year and I had the incomparable honor of being one of the five Quesoff 2012 judges, known more affectionately as the Chief Justices of the Underground Queso League by event coordinators Transmission Events.
I joined the proud ranks of Austin Mayor Lee Leffingwell, stand-up comedian Matt Bearden, Alamo Drafthouse owner Tim League and Austin American-Statesman restaurant critic Matthew Odam for the second annual event that happened Sunday afternoon.
Gathered together on the Mohawk stage with plenty of tortilla chips and Lone Stars, my fellow judges and I had the impossible task of deciding whom among the 30 contenders of the day offered us the most glorious melted cheese dips in three categories: Meaty, Veggie and Spicy.
How do you even start to compare the virtues of one cheese to another? It's like choosing one child over another; the worst Sophie's Choice scenario I can imagine. (Sorry, Sophie.)
Of the three winners, a grand champion would also have to be chosen to represent Austin at the World Cheese Dip Championship in Little Rock, Arkansas this October. Yes, that is a real thing; and you should probably go buy a plane ticket right now.
Before the winners were announced, however, hundreds of queso enthusiasts braved the heat to circle the multi-layered floors of the Mohawk like vampires hungry for the thick, yellow life blood of Austin. Mohawk owner James Moody's soundtrack for the day included yacht rock and classic hair band favorites, requested specifically by Mayor Leffingwell.
In the end, four quesos rose to the top of the cheese-skinned surface, winning pairs of tickets to the upcoming Fun Fun Fun Fest and gift certificates to the Alamo Drafthouse.
In the Meaty category — the largest for the day, including samples made with sausage, brisket and perfectly prepared pork belly — the big winners, for the second year in a row, were Frank Restaurant with their pork belly, guacamole and pesto queso blend.
A special mention was made to the team Mandy N' Her Mens, who provided us with their 5-Meat Queso: fully prepared fried chicken wings covered in queso, sausage, brisket, bacon and pork belly. Yes, it was as beautiful as it sounds.
In the Veggie category, the winners were, ahem, The Thunda From Furmuda, an excited duo of home chefs who went out on a limb to create a duo of meatless quesos. The first was a chilled, raw white queso that held its shape on a chip, and the second was a smoked gouda that made all of the judges sit up and take notice.
Finally, in the Spicy category, it was the very first queso of the day from Papi Tino's Cantina that made an unbeatable impression in the judges' mouths and lingered like the memory of the best milk-based lover throughout the competition. I don't even remember what was in it. I just know that I want to have it in my mouth all of the time.
Beating out their fellow finalists, Papi Tino's Spicy Queso entry was declared the Ultimate Grand Champion for the day, and received a giant round of cheese-fueled applause along with the giant rubber cheese trophy from Mayor Leffingwell.
Drunk on cheese and power (and Lone Star), the Chief Justices of the Underground Queso League descended from our position of authority and joined the party already in progress. There were still many queso-filled crock pots to go before this night was through.
Congrats to all the que-testants that entered this year's Quesoff. Your cheesy contributions will hold a special place in my heart. At least for the next day or so...