Tears in My Beers

Fun Fun Fun needs more more more beer: read our stage-themed suggestions

Fun Fun Fun needs more more more beer: our stage-themed suggestions

six pack of Austin Beerworks Fire Eagle American IPA
Fun Fun Fun Fest needs just one IPA option, and Fire Eagle fits the bill. Photo courtesy of Overprocessed.com
bottle and glass of Jester King Black Metal imperial stout
The Black Stage needs a metal brew, and Black Metal is the most metal of them all. Photo courtesy of WhatAreYouDrinking.net
glass of 512 Pecan Porter
The only thing as smooth as the Blue Stage is the (512) Pecan Porter. Photo courtesy of 512 Brewing
six pack of Austin Beerworks Fire Eagle American IPA
bottle and glass of Jester King Black Metal imperial stout
glass of 512 Pecan Porter

Naturally, Fun Fun Fun Fest has been a blast so far. Festivalgoers enjoyed a day of seeing lucky fans who got a chance to twerk on stage with Big Freedia, an impromptu “duet” that Patton Oswalt performed with Kurt Vile without Vile’s knowledge and the majesty of Snoop Dogg performing Katy Perry’s “California Gurls.” There’s also a buttload of Twinkies being handed out.

It was all a perfect day, unless you happen to be a big beer drinker. Yes, unfortunately, it seems that if you’re really into sampling a wide range of unique brews at the festival, most of the bars limit you to just four options: Shiner Bock, Shiner Premium, Shiner Light Blonde and Shiner Cheer. You’re not exactly a kid in a candy store if you want to get your hop on while festing. 

No disrespect toward Shiner, but would it hurt to have one IPA option? 

Now, no disrespect is meant toward Shiner. They are a major sponsor of the festival and a major Texas brewery, and dammit if Shiner Cheer isn't one of the most delicious reasons to wait patiently for Christmas. But with so many wonderful local breweries, shouldn't every FFF bar give attendees the chance to experience the magic of a Hops & Grain Alt-eration? Or the smoky deliciousness of a ABW Black Thunder? 

It’s not a dealbreaker by far, but we would like to make a few suggestions for local brews to consider including next year. And they’re even themed to match up with each of the festival’s stages.

Black Stage: Jester King Black Metal Farmhouse Imperial Stout

We start off with a pretty obvious one here. With a mix of various subgenres of metal and punk, you need a beer that can get pretty dark. We’re talking blacker than the blackest black times infinity, and this stout from Jester King does the trick with pitch-black color and roasted black malt taste, with a hint of fruity ester to pull you back from the abyss that stares back at you.

Orange Stage: Austin Beerworks Fire Eagle American IPA

The Orange Stage has always been about the hottest indie rock acts that are either big names or still waiting to be discovered through vinyl-trading. They’re always trendy, so you need to drink a brew that’s the trendiest brew of all: the IPA. It’s always difficult to just pick one, but Austin Beerworks gets a nod here with its Fire Eagle. It’s hoppy and bitter to the max and a perfect complement to MGMT.

Blue Stage: (512) Pecan Porter

What kind of beer could possibly mix with a stage featuring Snoop Dogg, Ice-T, Big Freedia and Jurassic 5? Obviously, gin and juice would be the featured cocktail, but you need a beer that’s as smooth as all of the ladies and gents on the Blue Stage. The Pecan Porter from (512) Brewing is one of the creamiest and smoothest around. It goes down easy and is the perfect remedy to soothe your throat to continue spitting hot fire.

Yellow Stage: Live Oak Hefeweizen

The Yellow Stage is a pastiche of various styles of offbeat comedy that put together might perhaps be the tastiest portion out of the entire fest. You get stand-up, improv and even musical comedy this year, so sip on a brew that’s a potpourri of clove, vanilla and banana, with some tartness. You don’t find too many beers with that kind of blend, and you don’t find many comedy stages that have such a breadth of talent.

Green/Ride & Skate: Austin Beerworks Pearl Snap German-Style Pils

You can’t leave out the Skate & Ride section of Fun Fun Fun Fest. While most festivals make you either stand or sit around all day, at this festival you can actually get a little cardio in. If you’re one of the people spending most of your day riding the ramps, you need to rehydrate, and who needs water when you have this super crisp and refreshing pilsner that will revitalize you quick enough so you’re back out on your bike in no time?

Wrestling Ring: All of the Beer

Pro wrestlers and luchadores aren’t a very choosy bunch when it comes to booze. They’re only at the fest to put their bodies on the line for your entertainment and to party later on. Just buy them a brew or two afterward, and they’ll be your friends for life.