The Bachelorette Recap
The higher the hair, the closer to trouble on The Bachelorette episode 4
This week we pick up right where we left off — with a bunch of grown men acting like jealous little boys. “My name is in your mouth,” Eric says over and over, in his finest rendition of Daniel Day-Lewis’s John Proctor in The Crucible.
The issue, it seems, is that Lee has been talking to Rachel about Eric, and Eric isn’t cool with that. Lee isn’t just annoying Eric, though. The aspiring country singer has most of the guys a little riled up with his overconfident demeanor and 6-inch-high hair (seriously, what product does he use?).
Thankfully, Colombian hottie Bryan swoops in to “keep that fire burning.” Rachel admits that he’s so charming it scares her, and I’m scared for her, because look at that man. Listen to him. He literally just said, “Whenever you’re weak, let me be strong.” Who is that perfect?!
Meanwhile, Kenny pulls Lee aside and gives him a talking to because Lee interrupted Kenny’s one-on-one time with Rachel. Lee seems a tad bit tipsy and starts bragging to Brady about how much he’s getting under people’s skin. Cause that’s what every lady wants, Lee: a guy who likes to start crap with other grown men.
The drama in the house is upsetting Rachel, because she feels that she has added pressure as the first black bachelorette to succeed and handle all situations with as much poise as possible. She’s not wrong, but, girl, you got this.
Chris Harrison steps in to save the day, telling Rachel, “You just have to tell me what you want. I can facilitate anything.” I’ve always known that Chris Harrison is pretty much God, but hearing him finally admit it is refreshing. Rachel decides to forego the rest of the cocktail party and move straight to the rose ceremony.
The gentlemen leaving the bachelor mansion this evening are Bryce, Brady, and Diggy, but Lee remains to create drama another day.
The official week four dates kick off in Hilton Head, South Carolina, with a one-on-one rendezvous with Dean. The two take a Jeep out to a field in the middle of nowhere for a picnic. But wait, there’s more! Rachel has apparently always had a fascination with blimps, so a Goodyear blimp floats on down to sweep the couple away. Dean admits he’s afraid of heights, and he’s clearly freaking out a little. He starts freaking out even more when Rachel moves into the driver’s seat and starts steering the darn thing. Then it’s Dean’s turn to pilot, and once he gets into the seat, he seems pretty comfortable. Who knew piloting blimps was so sexy?
Back at the resort where the rest of the guys are staying, a date card arrives. It’s a group date, of course, and as Peter reads off the names, the guys react as if they’ve just been given death sentences. They’re all invited on the date except Jack Stone (yes, he’s the only guy with a last name), so he clearly has the next one-on-one date. Lee reminds him that there’s no shame in going home on a one-on-one. Thanks, bro.
Back on Dean’s date, things get heavy when he reveals his mom died of breast cancer when he was 14. He tells basically the saddest story ever about her going into hospice and dying and his family kind of splitting up after that. Rachel loves that Dean remains hopeful and positive after what he’s been through, so she gives him the rose. Then they dance while some guy named Russell Dickerson (is he famous?) performs a concert.
The next day, the group date heads on a boat tour around Hilton Head Island, and I have never seen a group of adults so excited to be on a boat. They’re whooping and hollering and flexing their pecs. It’s a little animalistic. Then they all whip out their manhood to impress Rachel. Figuratively, of course. There’s a rap battle, a push-up war, and, finally, a spelling bee? Yep, that’s right. Rachel wants to test the men’s smarts, so she enlists Chris Harrison to host a spelling bee.
This ain’t your elementary school spelling bee, though. Some of the words include champagne and coitus. It comes down to Will and Josiah, and Josiah wins with the word “polyamorous.” At post-spelling bee drinks, Josiah sips his beverage from his giant trophy, and it’s alternately adorable and super annoying.
During their one-on-one time, Rachel and Peter discuss their willingness to move for love, and Rachel reveals that she happens to be licensed to practice law in Wisconsin, Peter’s home state. Umm, is this fate?!
Rachel also enjoys her time with Eric, but not so much with Iggy, who chooses to spend his alone time talking trash about Josiah. First it was Whaboom, then Eric, and now Josiah. Iggy. Dude. Do your own thing. You’re being straight up catty, and it is not a cute look.
Also not cute: Josiah’s revelation that Iggy confessed to “shooting steroids in his nuts.” Is that even a thing?
Meanwhile, Rachel and Lee and Lee’s hair revisit the drama from the previous rose ceremony with Kenny. Kenny tries to impress Rachel with yet another freestyle rap, but she switches the conversation to Kenny’s prior meltdown with Lee. She’s worried that Kenny was too aggressive, but he’s able to convince her that all is well with Lee and him.
He’s still freaking out, though, and he builds himself up to an inevitable confrontation with Lee and his hair, which has somehow gotten even higher during the course of the evening. Kenny escorts Lee outside for a “talk,” and the guys are convinced it’s going to come to blows.
As the previews for next week’s two-night Bachelorette extravaganza suggest, a fisticuffs might well be on the way. My money is on Kenny, but who knows what tricks Lee has up his ... hair.