Valentine's Day events for people who hate Valentine's Day
As February 14th rolls around again, the world turns blissful shades of red and pink, little birdies sing about romance in the treetops and Prince Charming wakes up a comatose princess somewhere with the kiss of true love. Everyone is so smitten and they want to tell everyone else about it, preferably with annoying Facebook posts and widdle teddy bears that say “I Wuv U!”
Some people, however, do not “wuv” Valentine's Day, and wouldn't be caught dead making puppy eyes over an overpriced, candlelit dinner for two. But this is America, where we can hate a holiday but still want to go to awesome parties to celebrate it.
Don't worry haters, CultureMap Austin has created a list of anti-Valentine's Day events that will make the day fun without drowning a single person in candy hearts.
Valloween: Celebrate the day of love by pretending it's an entirely different holiday — Halloween! Splash on some fake blood and angel wings and go as zombie Cupid to this costume party hosted by Space 12. For a $5 - $10 donation, Valloween offers free beer, live music and two (two!) DJs. Have some beers and forget it's February. All proceeds benefit the Inside Books Project and Space 12.
2nd Annual Home Wreckers and Heartbreakers – Black Heart Ball: South Austin's Gibson bar combines the best and worst of Valentine's Day into a debauched evening of roses, condoms and violence. While the evening promises to start tamely enough — with Vday trivia and prizes — Gibson will also be offering drink specials, jello shots and free flowers to all the ladies. Condoms will be available for the hopeful while anyone who needs to work out some angst can punch the giant heart. Don't worry about bringing a date; the Gibson wants to be your one true love.
Action Pack Presents: Love Bites Sing-Along: The Alamo Drafthouse comes to the rescue again with this power ballad sing-along that invites everyone to process their deep-seated romantic wounds by belting them out, loudly and with big hair. Guns 'n Roses, REO Speedwagon, Warrant and more will offer poignant reminders that even rock stars who wear animal print tights suffer heartbreak just like the little people. Buy tickets early as these events tend to sell out quickly.
Dogadillo Valentine's Day Photos: Dogs are wonderful, loving, trusting companions but they do lack fashion sense. This year, Austin owners whose dogs are weary of artisan baked goods and canine bling can finally have a professional photographer dress up their furbaby in fluffy accessories and have a proper Valentine's Day portrait taken. The finished product comes framed in a 4x6 photo card and all profits will go the Austin Dog Alliance.
4th Annual Anti-Valentine's Day Burlesque: The Bat City Bombshells will be swinging their tassels at the Hotel Vegas in defiance of all that's traditional, while also offering prizes from sponsors Forbidden Fruit, Lick It Bite It or Both, Kuhmillion lingerie and local restaurant Bacon. Comedy and live music round out the evening, and the Bombshells promise an unforgettable night. Maybe one of them will emerge from a giant box of chocolates...
The Intergalactic Nemesis on Conan O'Brian: If all else fails or going out sounds terrible, tune in to Conan O'Brian on Valentine's Day to see this Austin-created live action graphic novel spectacular get its television debut. Originally created by Jason Neulander, this radio play/comic book mashup has been wowing audiences at the Long Center, Fantastic Fest and all over the country since 2010. Conan O'Brian and Andy Richter will be jumping into the fray to help perform a scene from the play with members of the touring cast.
Tune in on Feb. 14 at 10:30 p.m. Central Time on TBS. The Alamo Drafthouse will also be screening it live and it will be available to stream after the broadcast here.